Here is Where I Carry on about my Daily Life, and usually some stuff about Technology!
Well, I made it here agian…I am back in the dorms. But the good news is, that I am running for floor vice president. Yes, that is true, I want to shave the whales, commit voter fraud like no one has before, and do lots of other fun things….So, I’ll keep everyone posted on how things turn out, and whether I get elected or not.
What is a defining moment. I would like to think that certain epiphanies help us to define ourselves. But I don’t think that is it. The times when you think to yourself “I think I have just found something about myself”, you are really just coming to understand what has happened to you a long time ago. I say that a defining moment is not when you realize, or notice that you are doing something different, but the conscience change. There are moments when you can pinpoint the first time you did something different, or something that has allowed you to point and say….look I’ve changed, or this is an example of me…but those aren’t it….the defining moment comes from within…and is not a moment that defines who you are, but the time that you have absorbed things until you change….that moment comes when the last thing penetrates, not your conscience so you can tell what is going on, but when you just know….something is different.
Today, I realized that I’ve been trying to fool myself for years. I’m an engineer. I’ve wanted to be certain types of an engineer for years. But today I finally said….”this is not it….this is not just what I am”, but focusing on that I see…..this has been there…maybe lying dormit…but there. I don’t want to just be an enginerd…but I want to be a person who understands people. And I want to act. I want to dance, sing and play more sports. But today was not that moment. That has been there. The moment of realization is not a defining moment. This was an epiphany. A realization of what I am, and how things really are. Not something that will define who I am, but just a better understanding of who I have been.
To me…a defining moment is really just something that sets what will happen to you in the future. Something that “defines” you life. Like when you get a job, or when you realize you want to marry someone. Or better yet, when you realize that this job is not the right one. These are conscience decisions, something that you do that will define who you become…but not defining what you want and who you really are…just what you look like to the world. It may affect these deeper, inner feelings, and vice-versa, but still they are not the same.
Today, the day that I am about to go home for a few weeks before school starts, I have a better understanding of both these “defining moments” and these deeper inner feelings of who I want to become..and this will affect my path….
The only other thing I realized today is, this too shall pass. No matter what bad stuff happens to you. If you deal with it as it comes, and then try to live with it, and just keep on keeping on……one day, one fateful day, you will walk outside, and the birds will sing, and the sun will still shine, and you might forget, if only for a second, everything bad that has happened to you. And that is one of those defining days….the day that you realized something that has been inside of you all along. These who’s and these great revelations are what make us human, and individuals. And without these things, we never grow as people, and never get anywhere.
Man, sometimes I even scare myself with this stuff.
Yesterday was what I would like to call a “Five Star Day”. Now for you underprivileged people who haven’t talked to me in a while, you need references to what “Five Star” is. Simply put, it replaces the word “cool”, or “awesome”. But it has a special connotation. Not just anything that is cool or awesome can be “Five Star”. It is best to think of the restaurant or hotel rating system. A super fancy hotel or restaurant gets a “five star” rating from like AAA or something, and that means it is exclusive, expensive, and really just the place to be. Now take that sort of feeling….like your sitting in a five star restaurant, and you feel great, cuz this place is so fancy. Now that take that, and apply it to an entire day. My day was that good yesterday, and I’m going to tell you about it.
First, I woke up pretty tired, but I crawled out of bed, and got ready to go to class. Now this isn’t any ordinary day of class, I had my final today. So that should suck right???, but no, I made all the lights on the way there….which in Champaign is simply amazing in itself. While driving there, aside from noticing that I made all the lights, all I could think of is how under prepared I was, because the night before I got like a million important phone calls, and didn’t study as much as I wanted to. But I started taking the final anyway, and it took a few minutes to Jump start my brain, but when I started to get into it, I realized that this wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be. So when I finished I had that relieved feeling, because I know I didn’t do that bad on it. So I went downstairs in parkland to the bookstore to sell back my books. Now, I payed like 150 bucks for books, and I thought that was crap, and at U of I, if you buy like 150 in books, ur going to get like maybe 50 of it back. But at parkland, that is not so, I got like 90 for my books. That is great. So, I’m feeling pretty good, and I decide today is a good day to eat dinner out. Usually I don’t do that, because it gets expensive, but I felt like eating greasy meat today. So I pull into McD’s, and just as I pull in I remember “they have the McRib right now”, and that was just great, because I love the McRib. So, I have my McRib, and I’m heading home, and I pull up to a stop light, and look at the sky, and it is just nicer then a whores ass outside, the sun was shining, a few fluffy clouds waft by, it was great. Then I turned up my radio just a tad, to hear what they were announcing as the next song, but it just faded into “Da, Da, Da”, a great song…especially since I just turned it up, and started bobbing my head and chanting “Da, Da, Da” along with the song. But wait, that isn’t all. After a brief period at work, I went home, changed cloths, and went to a sneak preview of “Coyote Ugly”. Kick ass in itself. But then, we went to Gibson, and found beer. And then we drank that beer. And it was good. Then I crashed at a friends house and all was good.
That ladies and gentlemen was a “Five Star Day”. The only way it could have got any better, is if I got laid by a hooters girl after the movie…cuz they came to see the movie…LOL…but seriously…that was a damned good day.
Well, I got to go have steaks at dirks everyone….c-ya Saturday at skateland.
