What is a defining moment. I would like to think that certain epiphanies help us to define ourselves. But I don’t think that is it. The times when you think to yourself “I think I have just found something about myself”, you are really just coming to understand what has happened to you a long time ago. I say that a defining moment is not when you realize, or notice that you are doing something different, but the conscience change. There are moments when you can pinpoint the first time you did something different, or something that has allowed you to point and say….look I’ve changed, or this is an example of me…but those aren’t it….the defining moment comes from within…and is not a moment that defines who you are, but the time that you have absorbed things until you change….that moment comes when the last thing penetrates, not your conscience so you can tell what is going on, but when you just know….something is different.

Today, I realized that I’ve been trying to fool myself for years. I’m an engineer. I’ve wanted to be certain types of an engineer for years. But today I finally said….”this is not it….this is not just what I am”, but focusing on that I see…..this has been there…maybe lying dormit…but there. I don’t want to just be an enginerd…but I want to be a person who understands people. And I want to act. I want to dance, sing and play more sports. But today was not that moment. That has been there. The moment of realization is not a defining moment. This was an epiphany. A realization of what I am, and how things really are. Not something that will define who I am, but just a better understanding of who I have been.

To me…a defining moment is really just something that sets what will happen to you in the future. Something that “defines” you life. Like when you get a job, or when you realize you want to marry someone. Or better yet, when you realize that this job is not the right one. These are conscience decisions, something that you do that will define who you become…but not defining what you want and who you really are…just what you look like to the world. It may affect these deeper, inner feelings, and vice-versa, but still they are not the same.
Today, the day that I am about to go home for a few weeks before school starts, I have a better understanding of both these “defining moments” and these deeper inner feelings of who I want to become..and this will affect my path….

The only other thing I realized today is, this too shall pass. No matter what bad stuff happens to you. If you deal with it as it comes, and then try to live with it, and just keep on keeping on……one day, one fateful day, you will walk outside, and the birds will sing, and the sun will still shine, and you might forget, if only for a second, everything bad that has happened to you. And that is one of those defining days….the day that you realized something that has been inside of you all along. These who’s and these great revelations are what make us human, and individuals. And without these things, we never grow as people, and never get anywhere.

Man, sometimes I even scare myself with this stuff.