Today was a crazy day. Lots of stuff going on. Lots to think about. People leaving, preparing myself to leave too, preparing to get married, and the everyday issues of life.
So I decided I would post about some stuff that would hopefully clarify my last post.
My friends
This hopefully will be fairly insightful for you if you don’t know me very well, maybe even if you do know me it will help you understand me better. But no matter what you think, this post is partially for me, partially for the people I care about. Last post was pretty much about things going from one to the next….about as existential as I get. This post will be much more introspective…maybe even a little “post-modern”, (dare I use that term?) but it should explain a little better why going to Minneapolis sometimes feels like the next step in my life. So if you haven’t read the last post, go read it first. The link is here
In life we have to decide what is important to us. What matters most. For some people it is money, others it is success, or making an impact on the world. No matter what it is everything else in their life seems to derive from that thing which matters most. If money or power is the most important thing in someones life, their friends and loved ones, even their wife and kids, will take a back seat to their job. So what do you think seems to be the main point in my life? Is it church? School? I don’t think so.
It is quite simply, my friends. I wish I could say it was always God, or always just Lauren. But I have to be real and say that my friends, and/or relationships are really the most important part of my life. If God asked me to turn around and drop all my current relationships with my friends to pursue him, I would have a damned hard time not saying “no.”
So, I think my relationships are the most important thing in my life currently (don’t get me wrong, they will always be important, but I’m going to work really hard to put God and Lauren above my other friends) so it would make sense to do everything I could to stay around my friends, here in Champaign-Urbana, right? Well of course it would, for the next year or so. But what after that? Dirk Graduates in a year or less, so does Rob, that leaves Seth, and James, plus a few other fairly good Church friends. But other than that, I’m here, working my ass off for whatever job I get and the church with most my good friends gone.
Instead I go for the study thing, I know Lauren is constant no matter what and that is important, but I go for the group of people that I know is committed to being together for at least two years. So in essence I’m going up to Minneapolis with a group of friends to start a church which will mean I am going to work my ass off for that too.
To get a better picture why this is works out in my head I need to describe what I’m leaving behind, and what I’m taking with me.
My best friends are the guys I live with. They have been my friends for a long time and we know eachother pretty darned well.
Dirk and I have been friends for something like ten years now (we met in the 8th grade), and we’ve lived together in college since second semester of our freshman year. This is a guy that really cares about people. Once upon a time he decided he was going to shut the world out for one reason or another, and be a real ass to people, ever since he figured out that doesn’t work very well you couldn’t ask for a better friend. He would bend over backwards to do you a favor, and he isn’t afraid to tell you when your being a jackass, and he doesn’t back away when you critique him, I don’t think I know anyone who takes critcism as well as Dirk. If more of us could take constructive criticism like him without getting all defensive the world would be a better and more honest place.
Alex left a while back and it is always painful to have him gone. There is no one on the face of this planet that isn’t stoned that is as laid back as Alex is. He always helps put life into perspective, reminds you that sometimes this stuff your all excited about isn’t that important, and the stuff your mad about will blow over. I only saw Alex hold something that resembled a grudge about twice, and now we laugh about that stuff. He was really good at not staying mad at people. Also he is the only man I know who can’t comprehend what depression is. I tried to explain it once to him, he didn’t really get it. Mostly he responded with “why don’t you just decide to be happy?” and then would stare blankly at me when I told him why you can’t do that. I remember that as a very comedic experience that describes very well the kind of guy Alex is. I potlucked for my freshmen roomates and I got Alex and Min.
Min is one of the kindest guys you will ever meet. He would cut off body parts and give them to you if you really needed it. He is constantly seeking to give all of himself to God, and he often dispares easily at the difficulty of such a task. He is an amazing guy who wants to love everyone, and really takes joy in a whole lot of lifes little things. We miss him at the house because he used to play Korean pop music and sing (or scream) at the top of his lungs with the music. That was some good times.
Seth and I have known eachother since freshmen year. We both moved onto the same floor. (The infamous Townsend 5 North in ISR) We hit it off pretty quick once we started hanging out. It is funny how I only know a very limited number of people who understand how I think, I guess I have a really random thought process. Seth seemed to understand me really fast. We actually think a lot alike. I remember being really depressed Junior year and thinking “No one really understands me, except maybe Seth.” That was an odd time, but it is a good example of what life has been like since we started being friends. Of course recent events with the “Choosen One” have dulled my ability to get inside eachothers heads like we used to, women will do that, but we’re still really good friends.
Rob and I share a quality that makes us pretty good friends. We are both loyal to a fault. The only time Rob lost a good friend because of conflict seems to closely resemble the only time I lost a close friend. And it revolved around family, you don’t mess with my family if you want to stay my friend, Rob shares that sentiment. You may be super pissed at Rob, which happens on a near weekly basis sometimes, but no matter what he’ll always have your back. I have levels of trust in my relationships, with Rob I trust him with just about everything, except to do his own dishes….I don’t trust him to do that. Also the guy is hilarious. I used to be the group clown until we met Rob. He showed up a couple years back during my last semester in the dorms. One of the crowning moments of hilarity with Rob in the Dorms is when he comes stomping into our room late at night and proclaims “I just got hit by a car!” And the funny thing is that it was true, some poor jackass plowed right into three rugby players crossing the street leaving a bar that night. How crazy is that. Now we combine for our best comedic works, and we’ve pulled some pretty good jokes together between the two of us.
Dink is a good friend from a long time ago, who recently made a reappearance into my everyday life. Dink is super honest, he’ll tell you almost exactly how he feels about a subject without pulling a punch. He is also crazy just like me. We used to have a telepathic link going on, it was really weird. He moved away during high school, and I would call him up every once in a while to see how he was doing. And no matter what had happened to me during that year, almost the same thing happened to him, at a similar time. It was weird. Anymore we seemed to have drifted away from our telepathic link, but life has a funny way of doing that kind of thing to you. But at least we get to live together and enjoy eachothers company for the summer. Dink also taught me how to draw comic book characters, which is something I really enjoy doing now.
But I’ve also made some really good friends just in the last couple of years at church, some of who are going with me, and these are a few that are staying behind who’ll I’ll really miss.
James is a guy more in touch with his feelings than just about anyone else I know. He has helped remind me in the past that sometimes my feelings on a subject are just as important as how I deal with the problem. His transparancy is something that I envy at times, because I feel too much like I couldn’t be that way due to my desire to be percieved as macho. That also makes him pretty easy to get to know, which is worth it if you don’t know him. It is amazing to me how if you spend a little time hanging out with someone you really start to see how they think, how they work. James has really started to understand me, not because of our smilarities, but because he is just that smart and has put some effort into understanding how I work. It is kinda nice to know that people will do that for you. I’ve gotten really used to working with James, he fits the gaps in Lauren and I’s leading skills very nicely, and when we get to Minnesota it is going to be hard to put together a strong group without him.
Bob is probably one of the most interesing people you will ever meet. The man is full of more useless, but fun, knowledge than just about anyone you will meet. He also has a huge heart that is easy to miss at first, but if you get to know him for any length of time it is impossible to not see. The love he gives to the people around him is very strong and puts his trust into his friends with all of that heart. I’ve only seen him in true emotional pain when he feels like his relationships have been really strained and he doesn’t know how to pull them back together. Which is cool, because when I feel like that I usually just get angry and make nasty comments, I don’t seek Gods will nearly as much as I should, and Bob does. If you don’t know Bob very well, and you are reading this, get to know him. He seems like a guy who is hard to get to know at first, but give it a little time and you’ll find a great guy in there.
I could go on and on about people I’m leaving behind, there are other great friends that I’ve already lost due to graduation, or whatever, and I know I can’t do much to get them back around me. So I decided to go where I know I can take some important stuff with me.
I don’t know the whole team very well that is going to Minneapolis, but I’m learning about them all the time. I think Caleb and Jenny are really awesome. I’ve always thought they were, I just never had much of a chance to get to know them. It’s funny, they felt the same way about Lauren and I. Now we meet once a week, and I can prove how cool they are, and I can’t wait to get to know them even better after we move. Josh, Ally, and Kelli I don’t know very well, even though I’ve been meeting with the team for a couple months now. I figure I’ll get to know them a lot better once we get there. Glynn is really an awesome guy. I’m just starting to learn a little about him, and I really like that guy.
Liz I know a little better. Liz is Laurens roommate and is a super awesome person. She is full of funny stories about all sorts of things. She also is about the most annoying person to have an argument with because she uses a very unique style. It is the “your wrong” style. I know some people who use this, but she has her own variation on it. Often if you are just discussing something she will break in with “No, I don’t think that is right” and no matter what you won’t get her off of that. And it always returns to “I don’t’ really think so.” Sometimes it drives me nuts, other times I think it is hilarious (read not when it is used against me). A lot of times that is really funny though, especially if you get into a vegetarian conversation with her. One of my favorite pastimes is to walk into Laurens apartment and to start talking loudly about bleeding cows and how good beef tastes. Lauren doesn’t appreciate that, but it usually gets Liz to come out and give me some crap about how mean they are to the cows when they kill them. Liz is also an amazing leader. Very smart, very capable. She does a great job as a leader of leaders. When we start to become a multi-staffed church (which is one of the visions for our church plant) she should probably be one of the first people to come on staff because she has some amazing abilities at that kind of leadership.
I don’t know LeQue that well, mostly by proxy from talking with Jeff. I’ve seen her do some really cool stuff. She’s funny whenever I’m around, and she is super laid back most the time when I talk to her. She does a great job at making you feel comfortable around her.
Finally there is the fearless leader Jeff who is probably the biggest ease to my fears of leaving my friends behind. Remember how well I said Seth understands my thought process? If it is possible Jeff understands me better. It was uncanny the first time I sat down to eat lunch with him. We are both ENTP’s, and usually I don’t like other ENTP’s. I think they are too loud, or to opinionated…..because I know I’m both those things. Or I see my personality flaws glaring back at me from them. But with Jeff it was super easy to talk to him. It was like starting on the same wavelength, and not having to work to at all to understand eachother. Which is funny because politically I’m more of a “the governments job is not to help the poor” conservative, he’s more of a bleeding-heart liberal. Theologically I’m a Weslyean style Armenian, he is a reformend Calvinist. I’m short and fat, he’s tall and skinny…and likes to run. But I know I understand pretty well why we both arrived at these different positions in life. Which is different from some people, who I usually have no idea how they arrived at their polar opposite opinons. I think he is a great leader, I trust him more to lead me than I do my Dad, which is saying a lot. I trust his ability to lead more than my own…which is a big ego shot for me, but I realized that truth a long while back. I know he is going to make mistakes, but I most the time he makes less mistakes than I do, so I figure it is a safe bet relying on him to lead this church plant team. And I think the only reason I feel safe going is I know that when there is something that Lauren can’t help me with I think Jeff would probably understand where I am and what I’m going through. That has been my safety net, what has made it OK for me to go to Minneapolis. That is somewhat dangerous I think, and I know God will probably teach me to look to him first, but I just can’t live very easily without relationships in my life. I suspose that is something I should start working on soon.
Now, you should have a better insight into what I’m leaving behind, and what is making OK to go. (Besides Lauren….I left her out of this because I think it is pretty clear that she is just as important as all these people, and I’ve written about her before, and I could do it again, but it would require much more space in an already long entry)
So, now I must go to work….I bid you all adieu.
