Well, life has been a little crazy lately. For some reason I’ve been pretty sensitive to a lot of things, getting annoyed a lot by different things that don’t usually bother me. I’ve been trying to get some stuff straight with my life. I’ve been feeling like people have been taxing, they have been drowning me in their problems, or their ignorance to the way they are acting around me….meaning they have been totally annoying the crap out of me but not noticing it. It even got to the point where I was very happy that no one has been showing up to my new small group. But, I have been pondering if that has more to do with me, and the way I have perceived things, or if it is in fact that people are silly. I decided that it would be better if no one showed up until I had figured out what needs to change in my life so people weren’t draining me just being around them. I also had been shutting down from some other things, and only opening up for a very select set of people to protect myself from feeling drained.
This weekend we had a leadership training conference, and a time of worship and prayer. It was really refreshing in a lot of ways. Last year the training was good, but the worship is what really took ahold of me. This year it was the other way around. I felt like worship time, and the prayer I got from the small group coaches was really good, but the training spoke to me the most.
I went to the seminar on setting boundaries as a leader, and it said a lot to me about how I have been doing things. It was sort of like I knew earlier like I had poured out all of myself into other people in an effort to be caring and to help people with their problems, but there wasn’t enough of me left to feel good about myself. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it did to me. At this class on boundaries they had a list of things that you may be feeling if you don’t have proper boundaries, and I totally identified with all but two of them, so I knew that I was in the right place. They gave some good suggestions on how to start setting better boundaries, but Deedee (who is the one teaching the class) suggested a book appropriately named “Boundaries” if you needed more information. So it just so happens that Lauren already had the book from when she was in Celebrate Recovery at Saddleback. I picked it up and started reading it. It is a great book, I’m learning a lot, most of which I can hope to put into practice. But this is just the beginning of some working changes I’m thinking about. What I am writing about later in this post, coupled with this material, has really started to break things back open…I feel better, I’m happier, and people aren’t annoying me as bad….well, people are still annoying, just a lot more tolerable. 😉
Now, Sunday pastor Happy spoke on fear versus faith, and it got me thinking. I know I’ve had in the back of my head for a while that going to Minneapolis with Jeff and Q (our young adult pastors are going to take a team to plant a church downtown by U of M) was the thing that was going to happen eventually. I had decided that it was best to wait and see if I got a job there, which seemed smart, playing it safe. But what Hap preached on was stepping outside of our comfort zone and how that is faith and not doing what goes tells you is because of fear and not faith. So during the sermon I really felt like God was saying that “it is time to just let go and decide to do what isn’t safe.” I’ve done what was safe my whole life…always gone where it seemed easiest, the path of least resistance so to speak. But this time I was thinking about how I needed to make plans for what I’m going to do after graduation, but in truth I just needed to decide that I was going to follow God’s plans…let him make the plans and then learn to listen..that is the new idea. And during that sermon I kinda tried to ignore that feeling that I should go to Minneapolis.
So that night Jeff preached on control. If you know me very well, I’m very controlling. Jeff said the other day that he never would have pegged me as a control freak until just a little while ago. It goes to show that I’m more of a closet control freak. I’m mostly laid back until someone hits on a nerve…or gets to me at the right time, and then it’s on. I full out take over, and try to gain control of everyone and everything around me, and I’m not bad at it either…ask some of my better friends.
So Jeff preaches about giving up control. I know this is a problem of mine, and not just a small one, it is probably my biggest personality flaw as well as my largest spiritual road-block that I can see to face at the moment. I realized that this sermon was getting to me…not usually am I that moved to action by a persons words, but for some reason, this coupled with the sermon in the morning was adding up to something. So I decided it is time to stop saying I want to give up control to God, and start doing it. I decided it was time to say “If you are really calling me to go to Minneapolis, I’ll go” and I wanted to start trusting where God has been speaking to Lauren. If I’m going to fully trust Lauren in our marriage, I can’t just do it with the little stuff, and if she says that God has told her that we are going to MN, then we are most likely going to go….especially since she said she really feels about this the way she felt about moving to Illinois in the first place. And if God has as much good stuff in store for us in Minnesota as he did for us when Lauren moved to Illinois, then I don’t have anything to be afraid of.
So, Long story short,
We are moving to Minneapolis, job or no job, and we are going to use the extra money from the wedding to go if I don’t’ get a job with relocation. I decided that it is time to step out and take a leap of faith, and to trust that God is going to provide. This move not only is me doing my damnedest to try to be obedient, but I’m also trying my hardest to give up control of my life and rely completely on what God has in plan for my life…which is really really hard for me.
To finish off my story, I met with Jeff on Tuesday, told him that Lauren and I want to join the church planting team, and that we were committed to going pending nothing insanely crazy happens before then. I talked with him about life, and since Sunday when I decided that I was going to join Laurens initial belief that we were going to MN, the funk that I’ve been in hasn’t been nearly as bad, and people aren’t pissing me off as much.
Sometime down the road I’m going to put down some more thoughts about miracles, faith, and what God does with a mold-able life versus a closed off person who always plays it safe.
Feel free to leave some comments telling me, or us if you wish to include Lauren, how crazy we are, or how cool we are….if you are so inclined. Also, if anyone knows anything cool about Minneapolis, or has any good advice on where the good snowboarding is around Minneapolis or just in Minnesota in general, leave some comments too.
Janine says
CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think that is SO AWESOME! I’m really excited for you and proud of you at the same time. It’s not easy facing stuff (the good ole ‘mirror’ analogy) and then coupling it with obedience!
Do you guys plan on getting married and then moving to MN? Jason and I will definitely be at the wedding unless God does something big. At this point, we are in agreement that waiting a year to be debt free is smart. I’m not happy about it, per say, but I’m game. I love Vineyard and the friends I’ve made. I, also, want to support him.
ANYWAYS – I may be able to help you. I have friends in MN (my best friend and her hubby, and a few others) who have lived in MN their entire life. Jeremy Loves to snowboard so he’ll know those answers. I can always pass the questions along – or exchange emails! 🙂 I am not really speaking to my mom, but she’s a great assett too. She, actually, lives in the heart of Minneapolis.
MN is awesome. I really think you’re going to love it. Each season has it’s extreme beauty. You’ll DEFINITELY have to visit “Valley Fair” and the “Rennasaunce Fair” when you move up there. Valley Fair is an Excellent amusement/water park. I used to go there all the time during the summer. I really miss it.
Also, they have an AWESOME state fair. It’s in St. Paul. The rides are great, foods great, and all of the exhibits are great. Minneapolis has great art theatres, museums, etc. I can definitely ‘hook’ you up with info and help if you want it.
Ok, now I feel homesick. lol
Congrats!!!
Jae
Janine says
OH and they have quite a few colleges up there too. I know Lauren was interested in going back to school so I thought I’d mention that.
rocky says
Dude, it’s really cold up there 😉
rr
Chris says
Long post! Congratulations on you guys’ crazzzy decision. Its not so crazy when you think about it. You know you’ll be provided for. Those two sermons really hit me too. I’m trying to be faithful instead of fearful too. Wheeeee! Life is sweet man. Also I’m glad people aren’t bothering you too much anymore. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me (or does it?) but if you ever have a problem with me, please tell me. Seriously. If I ever feel particularly dangerous I’ll buy that scooter I want and come visit more. Rock the casbah.
Eleanor says
Hey Ben,
Since I’m currently living in Minneapolis and going to U of M, feel free to ask me questions. 🙂 I don’t know where there is snow boarding available nearby (don’t snowboard) but I can probably answer some questions you have about the place (or find someone who does know…)
Even if you’re going with a church plant, you should really check out the church I go to. The pastor there is awesome!
Dink says
Weeeelll well well. Uh, I’m seeing a problem with this line of thinking. Now you know me, I usually don’t care much about what people do with their life or anything and I’m most definately not spiritually inclined at all. This does seem like it may be trouble. Look at me, I have moved to a town without a job and am now swimming in unemployment and poor as hellness. That’s problem number one with this and that leads straight into problem number two I see. Take a step back and check this out. Think hard. Is this really a god telling you this or are you becoming a victim of peer pressure? Just from my point of view it begins to look as if you are doing this sort of because people you love and look up to are telling you you have to. Now everyone will say I’m mostly wrong on this but I don’t think so. I just say if you have to do this secure employment first.
Janine says
Hey Ben,
Here is a cut and paste of what Amanda said. I told her about your questions (others too) who are moving to MN.
“Ummm…good snowboarding depends on what you like. Wild Mountain and Troll
Haugen both have pretty good snowboard parks. Going up north a few hours to
Lutsen has the best of everything. Afton is good but it kind of a ‘ski snob’
atmosphere. Cool things…science museum, orchestra hall, mall of America,
concerts and games at the Xcel Energy Center, the MN zoo, lots of cool
restraunts in downtown Minneapolis…gotta try Bucca de Peppo! (sp?) I think
you just get your licensed changed at whatever county office is closest to you.
There is one in Roseville. MN is a super wonderful place to live. 🙂 Hope they
love it!”
BigCat says
Concerns are duely noted my friend..and I appreciate it. But there are some things to consider here that I haven’t brought up because I was thinking more about the spiritual aspect of this then the logistical when I wrote it.
1. I will be leaving with a bachelors degree which will make a huge difference in my employability…not just in engineering land, but just for a job in general. With that, anyone who knows anything about the U of I’s engineering reputation will respect my degree that much more.
2. This is a metropolitan area of over 2 million people. Much more opportunities at a job in general…maybe not engineering.
3. The local economy of Minneapolis is above par right now for the nation…and they have a lot of major manufacturing going on there….some of which include honeywell, 3m, and seagate (they make hard drives) just to name a few.
4. I know it sounds like there is pressure to go to minneapolis from Lauren as well as other people in the church, but both Lauren and Jeff have made a point of not pressuring me into anything. This is a decision I’ve arrived at on my own with little to no prodding from anyone who really cares about whether I go or not. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make sure that this isn’t something I was pressured into…and I really believe that this is a calling that God has placed on Lauren and my life for the short term.
5. Every really great work of a Saint in the past has started with a step in the dark. St. Patrick was called to go back to Ireland after being a slave there and escaping to return home, and he turned an entire country of heathens into christians….and got rid of their snakes. Lauren comming to Illinois was a step of faith…she didn’t know what was going to happen here. But things turned out better for her they she ever could have hoped…and it made my life better.
I’m not trying to sqaush your opinion here man, but I’m trying to hit at the point that going to Minneapolis without establishing employment first isn’t as terrible a thing as going to Dekalb without establishing employment first. I’m fairly certain you would be a highly employable person outside of Dekalb, and definitely wouldn’t have as much trouble finding a job in a major metropolitan area like Minneapolis….hell, I bet there are lots of good jobs opening all the time in the mall of america. Also, I’m trying to say that I really do feel like there is a step of faith that I have been called to by God…not by people. And I don’t need a sure thing in backup when I’m betting on God…cuz that sure thing is God. I’m not trying to sound preachy, that is just how I feel.
Besides, if it doesn’t work in a couple of years, or after Lauren gets her degree, I’ll be back in Illinois seeking employment closer to family and old friends and you will hardly know I was gone. But if it does work out then I could be involved in an amazing thing that God is doing in an area full of great new people doing exciting new things, so either way I gain experience and grow as a person by stepping out and taking a chance.
I’m carrying on and on now…so I’ll talk to you personally about it sometime soon….
BTW, when are you comming back to Chambana to look for a job….is that car dealer job panning out or what?
BigCat says
Thanks Elanor…I remembered you were up north, but I had forgotten if it was Wisconson, or Minnesota.
I might have to drop in and check out your church sometime…but I’m not going to get to involved because I am going with a group of people trying to create a new church community…so getting heavily involved in one that is already established would be counter productive.
Also, just as an aside for everyone who is wondering “why plant a church, don’t we have enough of those?” We are going with the goal of creating a church envoirnment that is distinctly different from the things that are already there. This doesn’t mean we want to make something better, or take away from churches already there, it means that we want to offer a different style, or a new alternative for people who are unchurched, or got bored and tired of church. I figure that everyone can fit in somewhere with in the church body, and this is just giving them a place to try to fit if they haven’t fit somewhere else before. Also, I’ve been to a lot of churches and Vineyard seems to have a unique style to it…not too dramatic, not to dry…sorta in the middle of the conservative evangelical and the radical charismatics. There is even a book about this position they try to occupy called “The search for the radical middle.”
Anyway, I’ll talk to you sometime and try to find out some more info, like where the decent housing is a little off campus and such.
BigCat says
Thanks Janine, It is gonna be nice to have someone who has a lot of people already “in the know” feeding me information.
Also it is Bucca de Beppo, and I’ve already had it in San Francisco….and if you haven’t eaten there it is totally awesome….a great national chain only in fairly large metropolitan areas.
I think I’m definitely going to save some cash and get a snowboard while I’m there, If there is more then three places within a couple hours that means I can go on the weekends for day trips. Sweet.
Thanks a lot.
Rob says
No Bears and No Illini make Ben something something…
harambee78 says
As one of BigCat’s respected peers, I can say there is little peer pressure going on. Personally, I think he’s nuts. The average temperature in Minneapolis over the past 30 years has been 11.8 degrees F in January. Things start freezing there in late october and don’t thaw out until early april. I think I also read somewhere that the average Minneapolis citizen has 8.2 fingers and only 6.4 toes due to frostbite.
Chris says
Go Crazy?
I couldn’t resist.
BigCat says
Hey Dink, I got an idea, why don’t you come with…it will get you away, no more crazy ex-gf’s stocking you, and you will be in a whole new large place with lots of good jobs….plus you get to do something crazy with one of your best friends.
Just a thought…I mean, how often can I do something crazy without you comming with me, or without you doing something crazy by yourself?….this is peer pressure…LOL, but seriously, that would be cool…and we could go snowboarding together…and blow things up in the snow.
Andrew Wu says
Good luck.
arexchi says
sweet shit man… doesn’t sound crazy at all to me but it does sound pretty damn exciting. moving to new places is always exciting. i’m happy for you guys and i’m sure things’ll work out up there. plus, you guys will give me a good excuse to go up and visit MN..
Eleanor says
Cool cool. 🙂 I didn’t figure you’d get involved at my church, but I think you should hear my pastor preach sometime – he is very funny, but at the same time still definitely biblical.
As for church plants, I figured the reason you were coming up here is that there are no vineyards here, LOL. My church is a fairly new church (about 6 years old) and is a plant from this place called Bethlehem Baptist, which is also in Minneapolis, so I guess I can’t really complain about church plants, LOL.
Oh, do you know what area of Minneapolis your church plant is going to be in?
Anyway, feel free to ask questions any time, though I am most familar with U of M campus (for obvious reasons).
BigCat says
I wondered if you were going to chime in, I figured this would be a little to go for you to pass up on.
You need to be online more so I can bother you….and when are we going to meet your g/f…acen?…or my wedding?
Also, hitting some small slopes with you would be awesome…and I’m going to need your help picking out a snowboard and boots. Call me sometime…I haven’t talked to you in a long time.
Janine says
LOLOL @ the finger comment. How ludicrous was that! 😉
Yup, it is cold, but you really learn to get used to it and enjoy the northern beauty. There’s beauty in MN that you can only experience when you live there. It makes the winters worth it!