My name is Benjamin Patrick Catlin, and I LOVE THE COCK. I love the cock so much, that I am planning on building a monument to the cock. It will be life-size, and incredibly life-like, modelled after my own cock. I have already purchased the half inch cube of marble with which to sculpt my masterpiece. When I am finished, you too shall worship the cock like I do.
I will now dialect on the masturbatory habits of the modern moose. See contrary to popular belief, the modern moose is a sexual dynamo, incapable of being sexually sated. I know, I have sampled some of this fine, erotic cuisine. The moose has evolved the capability to masturbate in order to keep itself from committing unspeakable acts of terror (i.e. alliances with squirrels, duck intimidation, goat slayings, etc.). I think I speak for us all when I say, “Thank you Moose! Thank you for evolving this saintly ability, keeping the natural balance of the forest the way it should be.”
I also have a midget fetish. Damn, them midgets is sexy. Swexy even. I think I’m going to start renting porn agian, except now it will be all midget porn. I’m talking midget threesomes, midget handjobs, midget on moose, whatever. My home will be a smorgasboard of midget sexual depravity. When I get married, I’m going to ask Lauren to act like a midget in the bedroom.
This has been a last gasp of independent Ben.
Thank you and goodnight…
dwchang says
This is the greatest post in the history of ever. Sadly it will be deleted.
rschmit says
damn Ben. I think we all knew that your love for the cock was great, but I had no idea it was at this sickening level. Well, sinner, you’ll get what’s coming to you in the next life.
dreum says
I agree with Rob here. This is just ridiculous.
bigcat2k says
I did not write this…just for clarification. But I’m going to leave it for the comedic value.
vip1 says
Who wrote it??