General Posts

What to say???

Database still broken…if you want to see why look at this and pay close attention to the database section, more specifically where it says DBD::SQLite, and notice the not installed part. I’m going to email the guy in charge and ask whats up, but I’m not holding my breath. They must have decided that SQLite was not worth letting web stuff access. Oh well. Until that sorts itself out, or I upgrade to use MySQL, I’m on here……glad I keep this thing around now.

I just got back from “Finding Neverland” and let me say, it was the right movie at the right time. I loved it, but where I am with myself inside my own head is a big part of why I liked it. I fully expect a whole lot of people to not like it….except Johny Depp was great, I hope he wins an oscar.


Anyway, sometimes I think it is easy to get caught up in the hum-drum of life. I know there are people out there nodding right now, but some of you don’t understand. Just the other day I finally realized some of that was happening to me. I went through college knowing what it was like to day-in and day-out go to a job I didn’t like. I had worked hard and felt like I was getting no where, and I have handled a lot of responsibility. But somehow everything just makes more sense when to toss on top of it the quote from As Good As It Gets…..”Maybe this really is as good as it gets”

Seriously… that thought goes through my head on a pretty regular basis. So a couple weeks ago I was thinking this is really how it happens to people. You get a job, you don’t hate it terribly, but you don’t like it either, then you toss on some car payments, maybe a mortgage, and whal-la, your stuck, and maybe that is as good as it gets.

But then for some reason I got this idea stuck in my head. It goes like this….”Do you remember….?, Yeah, I remember….”

Sounds weird right?

Well the idea is simple, I’ve been in worse ways, stuck more inside myself than this, I’ve moved further away and known less people. I’ve had worse jobs, I’m even starting to like my job a little more. I got three 17 inch monitors from work for free yesterday.

What happened all those times when things were worse and I got caught up in this stuff? It got better. That is so Duh, but seriously, things have been worse and always got better. Now, instead of comparing the differences in the situations between then and now like my engineering brain is trained to do, I instead focus on how my attitude was different when good outcomes came from those situations. Hell, I started dating my wife out of one of those situations. So I ask myself what was different. First it just started with one word….Remember….now it is a giant mosaic or collage of a lot of my favorite moments. When I want to be still and peaceful I focus solely on the quiet times. Like late in the afternoon on a lake miles and miles from other people, looking out at a mirrored glass finish reflecting the skyline, and watching it fade into the most starry sky you’ve ever seen, and moving into a dancing brilliance of the northern lights. If I want to think about being happy, I remember blowing something up at the house, or the first few dates I had with Lauren and her friends, and I think about how down I would be some times, and how I just come out to California, and I met some of the best people in my life, and got to be better friends with an old one. Or I think about how Dirk and I manage to be friends after almost killing eachother for the better part of a year in college.

What I try not to think about right now, is how to balance that out with the negative. The negative has weighed me down, and in some of these cases, it isn’t something that needs to be a millstone around my neck. I can’t keep wishing I was sitting on the couch drinking beer and watching the bears, I can’t focus on how much I miss walking home from work talking about mind bullets or the “choosen one” or how I knew how I had a place as a leader, and up and comming good small group leader. I had a group of friends who listened to me, dreamed with me, and did dumb shit with me.

But that has changed, and most of it when contrasted with now makes now look pretty sucky. But I remember when it was worse and got even better.

This movie reminded me that sometimes in life we get caught up in the day-to-day and forget how to dream like we did when we were young. We let the contrast of the care-free past weigh us down, but it doesn’t have to. We dream big, or we go home. We grow a church that is freaking huge…and we throw every last thing we got at it, or we go home with our heads held high cuz we threw everything we had at it. No in-betweens, no more comparisons of how nice I had it, and how I could have had my old job full time working for the university with one of my best friends and cousins as my boss.

This week I remembered…and until I can remember down the contrast of today until today makes the remembered looked crappy. I believe in that, and I believe my dreams are going to be real someday, and a wonderful world is waiting for me better than those dreams.

Also, I thought about how we forget to shoot for our dreams…we forget what it was like to imagine our dreams, and believe that they could be real. And that is because it is easier to not think that. We don’t want to get hurt, we don’t want to feel anything negative, so we give up the possibility of feeling great when they do happen, so we can be safe and not feel the pain of when they don’t. Every man alive goes through some of this….they call it becoming a man. And to some extent there is truth in this. Men must learn to be strong and stand up for people physically weaker than them. But they should never forget how to feel. Maybe delay sometimes, in order to protect, or fight when need be, not not to ignore. Anger and frustration are the two main emotions exhibited by men. And that is how it should be. When you learn about the injustice woman around you suffer because they are physically weaker than men, you should want to be angry, but not before you share in their sadness. We shouldn’t forget that, or shut it off. Sadness, joy, sorrow, pain, anger….there is more, but that is a start.

Will I remember this tomorrow….maybe…but I will remember a movie about a man, who saw life in a way I used to, and wanted to show that to others. I will imagine what I have to when I have to, because God gave me an imagination to maybe spread a little joy to other people. Sometimes that is all I think some of the greatest people that ever inspired awe within me were doing.

Ah, hell, I’m babbling now, but I feel a little better. Other than that, does anyone know a good tool for downloading lyrics and album art for mp3’s. I got some here, but no one of them does everything I want it to. I’m also really amused that the newest tag formats for mp3’s support embedding album art and lyrics into the mp3 file. Pretty cool, and that is how the Ipod shows album art. Also I picked up my car charger so we are ready for the trip next week. Speaking of which, who has time to get an early lunch / brunch around Chi-town somewhere….Rob? Wang?..anyone else. Just leave a message here, and I’ll let you know what the plan is…cuz we’re still debating about getting a hotel in Madison, so some things have to be worked out completely before then, but I want to know who might be available.

That is all.

X-posted to my LiveJournal.

General Posts

What to say???

Database still broken…if you want to see why look at this and pay close attention to the database section, more specifically where it says DBD::SQLite, and notice the not installed part. I’m going to email the guy in charge and ask whats up, but I’m not holding my breath. They must have decided that SQLite was not worth letting web stuff access. Oh well. Until that sorts itself out, or I upgrade to use MySQL, I’m on here……glad I keep this thing around now.

I just got back from “Finding Neverland” and let me say, it was the right movie at the right time. I loved it, but where I am with myself inside my own head is a big part of why I liked it. I fully expect a whole lot of people to not like it….except Johny Depp was great, I hope he wins an oscar.

Anyway, sometimes I think it is easy to get caught up in the hum-drum of life. I know there are people out there nodding right now, but some of you don’t understand. Just the other day I finally realized some of that was happening to me. I went through college knowing what it was like to day-in and day-out go to a job I didn’t like. I had worked hard and felt like I was getting no where, and I have handled a lot of responsibility. But somehow everything just makes more sense when to toss on top of it the quote from As Good As It Gets…..”Maybe this really is as good as it gets”

Seriously… that thought goes through my head on a pretty regular basis. So a couple weeks ago I was thinking this is really how it happens to people. You get a job, you don’t hate it terribly, but you don’t like it either, then you toss on some car payments, maybe a mortgage, and whal-la, your stuck, and maybe that is as good as it gets.

But then for some reason I got this idea stuck in my head. It goes like this….”Do you remember….?, Yeah, I remember….”

Sounds weird right?

Well the idea is simple, I’ve been in worse ways, stuck more inside myself than this, I’ve moved further away and known less people. I’ve had worse jobs, I’m even starting to like my job a little more. I got three 17 inch monitors from work for free yesterday.

What happened all those times when things were worse and I got caught up in this stuff? It got better. That is so Duh, but seriously, things have been worse and always got better. Now, instead of comparing the differences in the situations between then and now like my engineering brain is trained to do, I instead focus on how my attitude was different when good outcomes came from those situations. Hell, I started dating my wife out of one of those situations. So I ask myself what was different. First it just started with one word….Remember….now it is a giant mosaic or collage of a lot of my favorite moments. When I want to be still and peaceful I focus solely on the quiet times. Like late in the afternoon on a lake miles and miles from other people, looking out at a mirrored glass finish reflecting the skyline, and watching it fade into the most starry sky you’ve ever seen, and moving into a dancing brilliance of the northern lights. If I want to think about being happy, I remember blowing something up at the house, or the first few dates I had with Lauren and her friends, and I think about how down I would be some times, and how I just come out to California, and I met some of the best people in my life, and got to be better friends with an old one. Or I think about how Dirk and I manage to be friends after almost killing eachother for the better part of a year in college.

What I try not to think about right now, is how to balance that out with the negative. The negative has weighed me down, and in some of these cases, it isn’t something that needs to be a millstone around my neck. I can’t keep wishing I was sitting on the couch drinking beer and watching the bears, I can’t focus on how much I miss walking home from work talking about mind bullets or the “choosen one” or how I knew how I had a place as a leader, and up and comming good small group leader. I had a group of friends who listened to me, dreamed with me, and did dumb shit with me.

But that has changed, and most of it when contrasted with now makes now look pretty sucky. But I remember when it was worse and got even better.

This movie reminded me that sometimes in life we get caught up in the day-to-day and forget how to dream like we did when we were young. We let the contrast of the care-free past weigh us down, but it doesn’t have to. We dream big, or we go home. We grow a church that is freaking huge…and we throw every last thing we got at it, or we go home with our heads held high cuz we threw everything we had at it. No in-betweens, no more comparisons of how nice I had it, and how I could have had my old job full time working for the university with one of my best friends and cousins as my boss.

This week I remembered…and until I can remember down the contrast of today until today makes the remembered looked crappy. I believe in that, and I believe my dreams are going to be real someday, and a wonderful world is waiting for me better than those dreams.

Also, I thought about how we forget to shoot for our dreams…we forget what it was like to imagine our dreams, and believe that they could be real. And that is because it is easier to not think that. We don’t want to get hurt, we don’t want to feel anything negative, so we give up the possibility of feeling great when they do happen, so we can be safe and not feel the pain of when they don’t. Every man alive goes through some of this….they call it becoming a man. And to some extent there is truth in this. Men must learn to be strong and stand up for people physically weaker than them. But they should never forget how to feel. Maybe delay sometimes, in order to protect, or fight when need be, not not to ignore. Anger and frustration are the two main emotions exhibited by men. And that is how it should be. When you learn about the injustice woman around you suffer because they are physically weaker than men, you should want to be angry, but not before you share in their sadness. We shouldn’t forget that, or shut it off. Sadness, joy, sorrow, pain, anger….there is more, but that is a start.

Will I remember this tomorrow….maybe…but I will remember a movie about a man, who saw life in a way I used to, and wanted to show that to others. I will imagine what I have to when I have to, because God gave me an imagination to maybe spread a little joy to other people. Sometimes that is all I think some of the greatest people that ever inspired awe within me were doing.

Ah, hell, I’m babbling now, but I feel a little better. Other than that, does anyone know a good tool for downloading lyrics and album art for mp3’s. I got some here, but no one of them does everything I want it to. I’m also really amused that the newest tag formats for mp3’s support embedding album art and lyrics into the mp3 file. Pretty cool, and that is how the Ipod shows album art. Also I picked up my car charger so we are ready for the trip next week. Speaking of which, who has time to get an early lunch / brunch around Chi-town somewhere….Rob? Wang?..anyone else. Just leave a message here, and I’ll let you know what the plan is…cuz we’re still debating about getting a hotel in Madison, so some things have to be worked out completely before then, but I want to know who might be available.

That is all.

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