General Posts

Sometimes I even confuse myself

Well, my last post didn’t get the point across I was trying to make. Which is fine, I kinda expected that, but I got some good answers to my questions, so maybe today I’ll ask some more.



Sometimes the way I think about thinking gets confusing and circular. Sometimes it is just complex.

That doesn’t bother me much. I think it bothers other people when I encourage them to be more complex in their thinking…mostly I figure people ignore me cuz it sounds stupid. Thats fine, a lot of times it is.

I miss leading people, I know you shouldn’t want to be in the spot-light, but if I just stay stuck in my head all the time and have no one to share with, to help grow, to grow with I will probably go a little nuts. Right now all I can hear when I try is I can’t explain myself well, or I’m boring cuz I go into to much detail (that is what my wife says) and it makes me go a little nuts. It is a lot easier for me when someone values the way I approach life. It is even easier still when I’m around someone who endevors to imrpove themselves and wishes to share that part of life with me. Not even my wife does that.

My next big hurdle in my mind is to release my emotions. I think there is some merit in the idea that protecting something close to you is important. To the point you should get angry, sad, and happy about it. I’m not sure if there is more to feeling than that, but I am certain of a few things. Emotions can be controlled, contained, and even manipulated. The first two are within yourself, the last can be both internal and external. Is it good to posses a control over your emotions. And if you can only contain your emotions, not control them (let them out when you want) are they still just controlling you. And isn’t that what I’m trying to avoid in containing my emotions, having them control me?

Well anyway, my wife wants me to feel more, I don’t think that is a bad idea. I’ve spent a good bit of time working to refine my thought process, or my decision making process, and I’ve studied a lot to hone my anylitical skills. Couple that with a bit of luck and good intuition and I make a pretty snappy guy to have around when facing important decisions. But I still don’t posses the ability to feel and use my feelings to add into my decision making process. So by the grounds I laid down in my last post I need to add that in to make it better. I’ve been working on it, but it is a slow change, cuz it is totally new territory in the sense that I have purposely tried to subdue that part of my brain for a long time. Well I’m going to work on that, but if you are a person who considers yourself aware of your emotions, but in control of them most the time let me know what you think about you running your emotions or your emotions running you.

Also, I got pulled over today, and almost got a ticket….cops around here suck…no wonder everyone drives slow. He gave me a 120 dollar fix-it ticket for my “muffler” (i.e. the hole in my exhaust) which is apparently cheaper than a speeding ticket which he almost gave me as well. Good luck for me today….thanks to my great driving record he said. That is all for now.

X-posted to my LiveJournal. There are more comments there if you want to read them.

General Posts

Sometimes I even confuse myself

Well, my last post didn’t get the point across I was trying to make. Which is fine, I kinda expected that, but I got some good answers to my questions, so maybe today I’ll ask some more.

Sometimes the way I think about thinking gets confusing and circular. Sometimes it is just complex.

That doesn’t bother me much. I think it bothers other people when I encourage them to be more complex in their thinking…mostly I figure people ignore me cuz it sounds stupid. Thats fine, a lot of times it is.

I miss leading people, I know you shouldn’t want to be in the spot-light, but if I just stay stuck in my head all the time and have no one to share with, to help grow, to grow with I will probably go a little nuts. Right now all I can hear when I try is I can’t explain myself well, or I’m boring cuz I go into to much detail (that is what my wife says) and it makes me go a little nuts. It is a lot easier for me when someone values the way I approach life. It is even easier still when I’m around someone who endevors to imrpove themselves and wishes to share that part of life with me. Not even my wife does that.

My next big hurdle in my mind is to release my emotions. I think there is some merit in the idea that protecting something close to you is important. To the point you should get angry, sad, and happy about it. I’m not sure if there is more to feeling than that, but I am certain of a few things. Emotions can be controlled, contained, and even manipulated. The first two are within yourself, the last can be both internal and external. Is it good to posses a control over your emotions. And if you can only contain your emotions, not control them (let them out when you want) are they still just controlling you. And isn’t that what I’m trying to avoid in containing my emotions, having them control me?

Well anyway, my wife wants me to feel more, I don’t think that is a bad idea. I’ve spent a good bit of time working to refine my thought process, or my decision making process, and I’ve studied a lot to hone my anylitical skills. Couple that with a bit of luck and good intuition and I make a pretty snappy guy to have around when facing important decisions. But I still don’t posses the ability to feel and use my feelings to add into my decision making process. So by the grounds I laid down in my last post I need to add that in to make it better. I’ve been working on it, but it is a slow change, cuz it is totally new territory in the sense that I have purposely tried to subdue that part of my brain for a long time. Well I’m going to work on that, but if you are a person who considers yourself aware of your emotions, but in control of them most the time let me know what you think about you running your emotions or your emotions running you.

Also, I got pulled over today, and almost got a ticket….cops around here suck…no wonder everyone drives slow. He gave me a 120 dollar fix-it ticket for my “muffler” (i.e. the hole in my exhaust) which is apparently cheaper than a speeding ticket which he almost gave me as well. Good luck for me today….thanks to my great driving record he said. That is all for now.

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