You ever notice how sometimes if you read a book at the right time it sounds waaaaay better. It kinda makes me wonder if I would have read “Purpose Driven Life” a few years ago, would I have liked it better?
At any rate I’m reading power healing right now (I snagged it from Jeff when he was half asleep, I wonder if he remembers I have it ^_^ ), and it is hitting a home run, but I think this is a big part due to the timing. Here are some of my thoughts so far.
1. Every time someone talks about walking into Wimbers church expecting it to suck and getting healed of something or getting inspiration for their lives I want to throw my fist through the wall. I have this dim feeling that it will never be that simple for me…I also have a feeling that they got the place where they needed that by exhausting all other options, where as I am only 23 and have much more church experience than the average 23 year old but I still have never been a burnt-out pastor for 20 years (I may have lived with one though).
2. Wimber had to be removed of his pride and self-sufficiency in order to be really used by God for healing. This makes sense. My wife says I share this problem, and I really resonate with how he talks about how he felt before he got rid of that. Unfortunately I don’t see a good concrete example of how that change happened, it sorta just happened over time cuz he ran out of options. This means I a) have to figure out what options I haven’t exhausted yet, and exhaust them as fast as possible so as to not prolong the pain I’m in over this kind of thing, or b) just figure out what it means to really rely on God without exhausting those options. Is that a feeling? A state of being? A mental location? Can anyone really explain to me what that will look like for me? The idea of this process seems to also make me want to throw my hand through a wall, scratch that…a tree has been much more present in my punching visions of late.
3. I’ve hung around the Vineyard long enough to absobed a lot of the history and context of how Wimber arrived at his model, but it is still really good to hear it all peiced together, so the order is right in my mind. I think that helps a good bit for some understanding of my background. I felt the same way when I read the chapters about Wesley, Whitfield, and Edwards (the last two were covered together in one chapter…I’m not that closely tied to Edwards right yet) in my church history book.
4. He says praying for the sick adds hardship to your life. I agree with that. Life is not easier now than it was 3 years ago.
5. He says that besides the idea of establishing the legitamcy of the gospel and the early church, miracles happen to bring the kingdom, establish Jesus is who he said he is, show compassion and mercy, bring the gospel to the gentiles, show what God wants to do spiritually on a physical plane, and somethign else I forgot now. I like this, and maybe if I focus more on the compassion and mercy part it will help with my issues on #2.
I need just a little time by myself I think. Lately I’ve been around people a lot, and even an extrovert has to get away once in a while for self reflection and to pray without interruption. Maybe when I get home from california I can find (or make) time for that. Maybe I’ll just force a little night beach time in over the weekend, that is usually pretty peaceful. I’m pondering getting into acting or something of a physical sport. I need a healthy outlet for my aggression as long as I’m going to feel aggressive like this. Acting might do it, but playing soccer with Brett sounds more interesting for releasing aggression, but acting sounds more intellectually fulfilling.
I promise to write more fun and uplifting stuff as soon as I can. I’m sorry if anyone doesn’t like this kind of writing, but I hate locking journal entries, and I feel that I don’t have much to hide in my life, so you get to read them on your friends pages. If it is too long, boring or depressing my appologies, but it is easy to skip my stuff…I don’t mind.
dwchang says
Sounds like you could use a New Years Eve party : /
Take care dewd : /.
ca_chick says
It sounds like YOU’RE trying to accomplish this change. That’s God’s task. Not that you don’t have a part, but coming from my more-than-limited perspective, it appears you believe you play a much larger one than my life experience has taught me we have.
I could be wrong, but isn’t it prideful to assume that you can get rid of your pride. It still leaves you very much in control and managing things. Isn’t pride a part of that thinking?
Feel free to tear apart what i just said. I’m not above learning.
bigcat2k says
Silly Faith, I don’t have anything to teach you because your a lot like me in this respect, and you already know about it before you make a suggestion.
And you are right I think. I’m not 100% sure, but something along those lines is a bit of the problem. Control, pride, and such are very interesting in how they inter-twine, because they leave you all twisted up and turned around trying to live in some tension that may or may-not exist. Generally I’m more frustrated with this whole process than anything else. Also I’m frustrated at how I’m responding to my frustration and taking out on Jeff, one of the people I really want to take stress off of instead of add to.
We wish we were going to see you tomorrow or sometime this weekend, but alas, we are seperated by miles and miles even when we fly towards eachother.
ca_chick says
Hmm…yes, seeing the two of you would have been nice. Perhaps i’ll get a job with steady hours and earn enough money to visit you during the summer. Maybe your home airport will be blizzarded in and you’ll have to stay in CA until i arrive??
Oh, and don’t think you’re alone in the whole pride struggle. I’m a pretty bloody prideful person myself. And as soon as you learn to be content with trusting Him, please! teach me how you do it. 😉
sspain says
You used “than” correctly! I’m so proud!