Steinberg

Ben Steinberg (a.k.a. the Bald Kid) emailed me last night / this morning. Everything is so drastic in his life. He feels something at all, he runs with it, or shuts down his emotions. Most the time he shuts down anything that isn’t absolutely necessary in his mind / heart. I know what that is like to a lesser degree, and I’ve been to some of the places he is in (in his mind). I think the problem is he lives in those places, and I was merely (or still am sometimes) a visitor.

It was great to hear from him. Sometimes I really miss the relationship we had. He was somewhat reminiscing in his email. Brought up the old days of watching wrestling, playing mortal kombat or mario kart, and skating. All fond memories.

Man, makes me really miss C-U, and days of less responsibility in general. I wish I had a purpose for my life. I feel like a cash cow that is primarily functioning to get money to enable other people to do things. I feel like I have strong leadership potential (not gifting….you like that word choice James 🙂 ), but no people to lead….which means I’m not really a leader. A good leader draws people to him / her, and hears God speak, so he can direct them in His ways. I don’t think I do that….I know I’m not now, cuz I’m not gathering anyone to anywhere.

So, like Steinberg, I just want to know where I fit….not just comfortable and mold to where I am. Oh, and I want to raise people from the dead…or at least see an amputated leg grow back or something. I think that is one of the bestest moments for gathering people to the church, and I really think it is great to be able to see God give people their physical and spiritual needs.