I hate being patient. I am generally very patient in very specific contexts and the rest of the time I’m extremely impatient.
Does anyone every wonder when the “not yet” part of Kingdom theology is going to become the “already” part. I feel like I’m missing out on something there, and I’m getting a little tired of waiting around for it.
Sometimes I feel like I’m always a day late and a dollar short when it comes to experiencing the kingdom. It is like I’m missing something inside myself, and I miss the waves as they go by.
I pray for vision, for something to do, something to work towards, something to believe in that I feel passionately about. More often then not I’m left with half-way feelings of passion, or fleeting moments of passion, and not a vision or dream to follow. I pray for miracles, for the kingdom to come powerfully in peoples lives, and all I’ve heard or seen is stories, like old ghosts fading away into the past. I pray for courage and boldness to be more pro-active, and push harder for your kingdom to come, only to see it fade away with my fleeting passion, and my faith be reduced to less than a mustard seed. (Aside: What does faith the size of a mustard seed really look like?)
As you look into my sorry dough eyes you should see a man crying out. Crying out “When Lord? When will your servant finally ditch this fearfull little impateient voice in my head to which I am constantly a victim of its folly, so much so that I am prevented from ever seeing you grow back a mans missing limb. When LORD, WHEN? WHEN’S GONNA BE MY TIME?!”