Well, as the Lord has a sense of humor, I got called into the boss’s office at about 4. He starts with the asking me why I’ve been looking less enthusiastic lately, and segues into mumbling something about my raise, and concern for how I feel about our company.
So, there was a moment when I had the opportunity to lie and run away (knowing full well I submitted my resume and cover letter to Guidant earlier that morning), and no one would be the wiser. But I weighed it out, realized someone told him I’ve been unhappy and bitching a lot lately (which I’ve been bitching a little too much) and realized it was sink or swim time. I swam, with the classic Ben style. It ain’t always pretty, but it got the job done.
Two hours later, we’ve discussed his shortcomings as a manager, the reasons he wants to hire a lab manager instead of a general manager, and I’ve told him at least 10 practical tips on how to improve his overall management abilities. Along with that I’ve weighed in on the status of how the inside sales people feel about work, as well as the guys in the lab. And, before I walk out the door we were starting to blend our conversation of management style with being expressive in our personal lives.
I don’t think I’ve felt that good about my job, even after I got the raise.
I’ve never heard myself say something like “I feel like I’ve improved, and am still working to improve in the last month in the areas you asked me too, but you have actually gotten worse as a manager in the areas I asked you to improve in.” That was a little scary.
By the end of that conversation I wasn’t talking to my manager, owner and founder of a company now trying to break the 5 million dollar mark in sales, I was talking to a real human being, who knows he needs some help to improve this area of his company.
It is funny, almost every time I pray that God will help me stop bitching, and start doing, I get slapped in the face and feel bad about bitching. But the one good side, is usually by that time I’ve over analyzed why I’m bitching, and have started to think of positive ways to respond. Eliminating the feeling of hopelessness in a situation makes a huge difference.
The funniest part is that before I left my boss said he was thinking about having a meeting and laying out where the company is, and asking for feedback earlier in the week. I asked him why he didn’t have that meeting, and told him that I though it was a good idea. He said he didn’t think anyone would talk. I told him if he has that meeting next week I’ll start talking, and others will follow.
I’ve been asking for opportunities to advance the Kingdom at work, and I’ve been asking for a clear sense of being released to leave this job without feeling like I left Kingdom opportunties hanging, or a clear sense of calling to stay at this job. I at least feel like I’ve been getting a piece of the first part, now I wait and see how things play out the next couple of weeks.