Life has been more than a little crazy for me for a while now. I’ve been struggling hard with some issues of trusting God, or much of anyone, since leaving Mercy Vineyard.
But, in light of the fact that I feel a little better today, I thought it might be good to share with people some tangible things that have been helpful to me in attempting to stave off heavy depression as fall is fast approaching in Minnesota.
1. Steven Nicholson’s sermons on Disappointment with God in four big areas. Most of these are areas that are really plaguing my thoughts, but particularly the third one on unfulfilled dreams was cool.
You can download those here
(As an aside, their series “Christian Sexuality in a Sex-Crazed World” is fantastic I think, check it out if you have the time)
2. Rich Nathan and Dave Schmelzer sermons as staples in my commute are always helpful, and at this point lend a much needed feeling of familiarity and consistency to my day. The end of Rich Nathans sermon on “The Challenge of Injustice” where he lists all the ministries you can get involved with in their church just floored me. I was thinking “I would love to be in all of those at once.”
3. Vacation. Work is damned near impossible to get through and get things done lately. Too much spacing off, and wasting time. Vacation helped.
4. Da Bears. It is football season. An emotional rollercoaster? Yes, but worth it when you get an automatic excuse to hang out with your mates at a pre-established time every week.
5. Forcing myself to keep showing up at things, even when I don’t want to. I went to a small group for the first time in a long time a couple of weeks ago. It was awkward for me, and I mostly didn’t say anything, but it was good to get out of the house and remind myself that I’m not alone. Other people are just trying to live their lives and do stuff for God, and that is hard even when you aren’t struggling with other issues. Good thing to remember. Especially when at a time like this it is really easy for me to hold up at home and just do nothing and re-think already thought thoughts about how my life sucks.
6. Single friends. Nothing is better then a guy who has nothing better to do when you are feeling absolutely miserable and your wife is out of town. A few weeks ago I was about to start drinking in the middle of the morning cuz I was so miserable right after I got back from my vacation. But instead I called Carlson and went and saw a funny movie. I felt better afterwards and it was a really good time.
7. Look around, and see what is around you, and take a minute to appreciate it. I like to look at the sky and the trees, and my house and cool bridges going over the river (don’t worry, my favorite ones are concrete and stone, not welded steel). I like the sun in the morning as long as it isn’t in my eyes, especially when it is shining on some cool clouds over the tall buildings in downtown St. Paul.
So, I still feel pretty crappy, but all those things have helped a lot in improving my last few weeks. I think I’m on an upswing at the moment.
And one thing that I think really nice that Caleb said to me a few months ago while I was at his house for dinner was something like: “I know you are having some issues with church, if you don’t mind, can I ask you how you are doing.” In the last couple weeks when thinking about how the people around me, I realized that I want to be asking that same question more of the ones that I know have had or are having a tough time. And I believe whole-heartedly that it will help my own disposition, as well as help any feelings of rejection or abandonment they are having.
I want to say this strongly to some of my friends, especially the Minnesotans. You don’t have to be ‘strong’, or even be invited into a situation / problem to ask a friend “you don’t look so great, how are you doing?” And the best part is that after you ask your work is done, you are pretty much off the hook at that point and they can answer however they feel like answering. (But you should probably offer to pray for them if they are feeling bad.) No need for ‘smart’ advice or sage wisdom or rebuking or any words at all really. All it takes is a sympathetic ear.
Remember, we are all broken in some way, and we are all trying the best we can to cope with the hand life has dealt us. We don’t have to have it all together to help others (thank the Lord, cuz it isn’t like this can happen anyway), and we can even be more messed up than someone else and still be there for them in a tough time with that simple question: “How are you doing…no really, how are you doing?” And that is all it takes to help a friend in need feel a little love.
Dianne says
Interesting thoughts…I stumbled on one of the best things for me when staving off depression. Believe it or not…it’s praying for folks! This is how I think I understand this. It is helpful to engage in ways that serve and you sense His life in the serving. (I started to say, “in ways in which you are made”, but if you are like me, when I am having depression difficulties, I don’t know how I am made or what I am made to do.
Either way, I am glad this may be an upswing season. I think fondly of you and your lovely wife. I do pray for you both. Keep putting yourself in the company of others who remind who God is and that He loves you, my friend.
BigCat says
If the situation were somewhat different I would be offering that same suggestion. Last winter I took to doing a lot of praying for people, even joined the team for a Healing Room. It did help, and I would say I spent most if not all of the winter pretty content (and busy….work was crazy then)
This time I’m not so sure. I find it difficult to pray for people when I’m asking God questions about whether I can trust him or not. I hope to feel like I can effectively pray for people again soon, but right now I’m just not sure if it is the time or not.
But I will put that in my brain and keep it for another day, so when some of my troubles blow over (like they always seem to do) I will be ready to try more things to the ‘next step’ on my personal road to recovery.
Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They are always appreciated, and I will say that Lauren and I both miss you and wish we could visit you and Alice or you could visit up here.
DJ Sybear says
Hey.
You found a sympathetic ear.
Now assuming that movie you went to see with Carlson was “Superbad” (which if you haven’t I would recommend – plus he sounds like the appropriate movie-watching candidate in lieu of Dirk), I will say this. And being that shouting from the rooftops isn’t much of an option, the blogosphere will have to do. I love you Ben.
And don’t sweat the church thing. It’s just an organization.
You can’t escape being the Church, though. Some mofo like me will come hunt you down.
I’ll have a new blog up soon to replace my old one. It was a limited series, after all. Most people’s “Planting Lives” are just facades, including my own. This time maybe I’ll just be myself.
Take care bro.
BigCat says
Man, you really made my day today James…thanks. And I want to say that I love you too.
I’m really glad for the first time in years (if even ever) I had a weird feeling that my spam filter was being flaky (I got an email today about a comment getting through the filter). Anyway, I took a look in the “askimet spam” section and your comment had been moderated as spam.
That is the weirdest coincidence / God thing that has happened to me in a while. I’m really glad that I was able to read ur comment before it got auto-deleted.
Besides that, Carlson is one of my better friends in MN and a great alternative for Dirk when it comes to movie watching. (Dirk just had his second kid if you haven’t read his wife’s blog in a while) And yes, we saw Superbad which was absolutely perfect for that particular day.
I look forward to seeing the new blog. I caught up on your old one a while back and I was thinking a week or so ago I should shoot you an email to catch up.
You take care as well friend, and shoot me an email if you got a little bit of spare time on your hands, I’d love to catch up with you and see how life is going for you.