Tonight we had our Minnesota meeting. I usually have a good time even when I feel a little uptight, but particularly tonight I was laid back. So in general I was telling someone…I think maybe Jeff (and I know I told Dirk about this later)…that I’m a little concerned that this might be the next thing. Like I don’t have anything else concrete to latch onto in my life after this, so I might as well take this ride while I can.
Does that make sense?
Anyway, sometimes I concern myself with this line of thinking. It goes something like the Fight Club line where Brad Pitt is in the bathtub talking to Edward Norton about their fathers and he says “So I graduate high school and I ask my Dad ‘what should I do now’ and he says ‘Go to college.’ I get done with college, I call up my Dad and say, ‘what do I do now?’ and he says ‘get a job.’ When I turn 25 I call him up again and ask him what I should do and he says ‘get married.'” (note to self…if not doing anything else tonight, watch Fight Club)
Sometimes I feel like that, only without calling my Dad. When I call my Dad he usually tells me to ask God what to do, which is excellent advice. But it sorta goes something like, I graduate high school, get accepted in to U of I, go to U of I because if you get accepted into engineering and it is an in state school you don’t pass it up. Then I need work experience, so I go looking for an internship or Co-op, I get a co-op, it is in California, I go there. I don’t know anybody, it makes sense to go to church to meet people, I go to church, I meet people, one of them moves back to Illinois with me. Then I say, “hmmm…I should graduate” so I work on that. Then I’m thinking, I should get married now, and then get a job. Or maybe instead of getting a job, I could go help plant a church in Minnesota, and then get a job while I’m there.
It all just makes sense. I find a group of people who help me grow up a little, and they are a lot like me. Jeff is one of the easiest people to get along with I’ve ever known, especially for someone who has a pretty similar personality to me. I usually just get annoyed with people who are similar to myself. I trust these people, the team is a bunch of people who are really awesome. I knew that before I joined the team, but it is even more apparent now. Plus I have to leave behind the Champaign Vineyard one way or another, so why not go where part of it is going.
You add this stuff up and sometimes I feel like I’m just doing the next thing. Almost like this is the path of least resistance. I know church planting isn’t easy by any means, but it is about on par with whatever else I might do, and this at least locks me into some certainty.
Well, at least I know I’m following a couple who I trust to lead and who really cares about people, and I do feel like God is leading me to go with them. I don’t really know exactly where I fit into the church plant team, what place I’m filling, what role I’ll play that isn’t already filled easily by someone else on the team. I do know that I have decided to go, and that is what I’m doing. But sometimes I can’t help but think this is just what’s next, the logical step to a series of events that makes up my life.
Oh well, maybe I’m just nervous about getting married and moving. Maybe my life is a little more existential than I would like to believe and that is why this feels like it is just what is next. Whatever, I’m crazy kinds of contemplative lately, especially for right before small group…I need to ground myself and get back to prepping a lesson.
Later People.