I liked my last post so much that I thought I would make up mirroring that pays tribute to my favorite drink….BEER.
So, while these will satirically display bad metaphors about politics…it is really about the beer.
Economics,
SOCIAL-BEER-ISM
Share your beer. Each beer gets drank equally, and everyone gets a beer. Ignore the man in the corner hording large high-quality kegs and drink your shot-glasses full of beer, because that is your fair distribution.
CAPITAL-BEER-ISM
The strong beers survive, while the weaker get poured down the drain. And Beer gets more expensive as you drink it. But don’t worry, someone will come out with a cheaper, more watered-down beer, that will quickly get popular and replace your snobbish full-bodied expensive beer. If it is good enough for farmers, it is good enough for me.
Social philosophies,
POPU-BEER-ISM
Not only does everyone get equal amounts of FREE BEER!!!!, the government tells when to drink it and in what amounts, and with WHO. Better hope the government pairs you up with a drinking buddy who doesn’t actually like beer…so you can drink his.
LIBERTARIAN-BEER-ISM
I get to drink beer whenever I want, as long as it doesn’t infringe on your right to drink beer, and I can afford it. Who cares about the lack of regulation, that has killed 80 people just from drinking beer w/ bad additives in cheep factories in some weird 3rd world country. (not bad beer….there is no such thing as bad beer…just bad additives).
Also, ignore the poor slobs who can’t afford beer, they are just pions who are lazy and don’t deserve beer…
…wait…that goes against my moral code…everyone deserves beer (and to hear about jesus, but that is a different matter)….now I must turn from my wicked beer hording ways….oh woah is me!
That moment of total unfunny stupidity was brought to you from a lack of blowing anything up in a long time. Also, I think the braincell is helping cuz i’ve had a lot of random thoughts about beer lately.
dreum says
Here’s to Bush lite, Miller lite, and Ham’s lite!
rockyrockstar says
Religious-Right-Beer-ism
I get all the good beer because I have values, poor people can drink water because they don’t, and the reason some beer is bad is because of gay marriage.
Well, yours weren’t very funny either.
🙂
j
rschmit says
fasc-beer-ism
The beer is mine, all mine, and if you meet certain race-based criteria, I may let you have some.
Darwin-beer-ism
In the beginning there was beer. And it was good. But being a fickle and sensitive entity, beer evolved into the rich and colorful brews we know today. Speci-beer-ation occurred, producing stouts, pilsners, bocks, pale ales, lagers, etc. Only the successful beers proliferate.
Creation-beer-ism
All of the varieties of beer were made at the same time, in all varities. Two kegs of each variety were placed on the ark to survive the flood. The pan-galactic gargle blaster didn’t survive the trip, as the monkeys got into it.
shimmin says
Conservative beer: We’ve been brewing beer for centuries, and the last good change in the recipe was the addition of hops. Beers these days don’t know how to be beers. The other day, I saw a raspberry lambec, and although it was on the beer list, it didn’t know whether it was a beer or a wine. It was sweet (at least ciders have the good manners not to pretend to be beer), and it probably didn’t even know what hops was. Heck, it was even in a wine glass. Now when beer starts being poured in wine glasses, now that just ain’t right, and if you weren’t so drunk, you’d know it, too.
Liberal beer: I have observed that we can beer from barley, and it is good. And I have observed that we can make beer from rice, and while I do not find it good, some do, and who am I to complain? I have also observed that we can make beer from wheat, and it too is good. And there is a place called Belgium, where, to celebrate its independence from the oppression of the Holy Roman Empire, began brewing beer in all manner of ways that were not permitted under the imperialist oppressors, such as brewing beer with both wheat and barley, and it was even better than beer brewed with barley or wheat alone. And so, I searched high and low, and found beer brewed with wheat and barley and rice, and I found that it was the best of all. And then I thought, what about apples? Because the apple grows on a tree and not on a grass, why is its brew not a beer like all the other beers. But, I could find no beer made from apples and other grains, so I took matters into my own hands and started mixing ciders with other beers. The customers didn’t like it though, and they complained to the manager, and that’s how I lost my bartending job. But I still get friends’ prices at the pub, and so I still go there, and you can find me in the corner pontificating on how beer could be better any time you want.
xeyro says
how do you mesh the whole drunkeness thing with Christianity. I feel bad when I do it…
bigcat2k says
1. Don’t get drunk..just enjoy beer.
2. If I do happen to get drunk (on accident) and do something dumb, pretend I wasn’t drunk.
3. When that doesn’t work, repent.
gmurph says
We like this idea of beer, but we don’t have the leadership to open it! Maybe if we had a more advanced degree…
Hey, I can be not-funny too. 😉
gmurph says
There were no hops harmed in the making of this beer.