Found this while taking a break from studying….it has been a slow day. Hard to study after that test last night. But anyway, the link is interesting to me. Especially the quote:
“Daughters are a major target of abusive women. The anger and resentment that abused women carry in their hearts provide the fuel for directing those feelings at themselves and at their daughters. As women, they are putting themselves at the least risk by targeting their daughters because daughters are the most vulnerable. And as women, it is the most natural outcome of abuse, to be angry at and abuse ourselves for not being able to make others love us enough to treat us well instead of abuse us.”
I should probably stop dwelling on this but I need mental re-enforcements if we are going to confront this over break.
Also, I found these quotes interesting:
“It is not surprising, therefore, that in some cases, the threat of a daughter is even more damning to a woman than her own perceived failures. If a daughter is prettier, smarter, marries better, is treated better, and, God forbid, is happier, and seen as successful, she represents everything an abused and/or abusive mother wants for herself but feels she can never have. This daughter is, of course, envied and often seen as deserving of anger and abuse.”
“Sarcasm and ridicule are seen as a natural part of their relationships. Cutting remarks and cruel put-downs are excused, and crushed self- images and bleeding spirits do not count as punishable crimes. There is no public outcry. It’s just the way life is. Pretend it doesn’t hurt, pretend you don’t feel, pretend you didn’t see or hear it. Pretend you didn’t mean it. Pretend, pretend, pretend.”
Anyway, lots going on in that area. We have a slightly lighter approach to things now. We figure we can break things off a little at a time…sorta define “If you do A, then the result will be B” kind of thing. I don’t expect them to get it because denial is easily one of the most powerful mental traps I’ve seen, but one can hope. Also I have taken a new approach to praying for this. I kinda had this bad idea that God had to tell me he was going to fix something, or I had to think that it could reasonably be fixed by natural means for him to do it faster. So in attempt to be healthier in my prayer life as well as an attempt to fix this problem, I have taken the persistent widow approach. I now pray every day “God heal Laurens family completely and miraculously,” and I am praying this expecting it to happen at some point. And I will be persistent about it, no matter how hopeless it seems. I like that saying of “expect God to show up” don’t hope that he will. It has started to make a difference in my ministry time and I think it will make a difference here eventually. This doesn’t solve the immediate dilemma of helping Lauren become healthier which means more separation from her family, but it will help me knowing that this is all I can do and I’m doing it.
Anyway, back to studying or trying to….my brain is a little fried today.