BigCat’s Blog of DOOM

The alarm goes off. I slowly notice that there is some odd music in my dream suddenly….this realization slowly pulls me awake. Open eyes, my right eye hurts…..why does my right eye hurt. Clock says 7:46. Why on God’s green earth am I waking up this early on a Saturday? My eye hurts. Is it Saturday…..yeah,….I was just saying how nice it will be to get some rest this weekend. I’m gonna close my eyes if it is Saturday…maybe the right one won’t hurt if they are closed. WAIT, it if is Saturday, then why would I have my alarm set…..???? Whoa….maybe it is Friday….what did I do yesterday, Maybe I’ll figure out from that. I went to work….I went home…grilled….oh, oh, if I grilled it must be Saturday, cuz I grill on Friday. Oh, I remember, there is that thing at church on Saturday, that must be why my alarm is set. Awww man, that means I have to get up…..I hate my ceiling……my eye still hurts. But wait! Small group was last night….I grilled cuz Dirk had the grill on, that makes today Friday. I have homework due today. Crap. I hate homework, I hate class. This sucks. I wish it were Saturday….then I wouldn’t have to go to class. My eye hurts…..why does my eye hurt? I wonder if I poked it at some point yesterday. Nope, don’t remember doing that……can you sleep on your eye wrong? Man, I just want to close my eyes and go to bed again. Maybe if I sleep a little extra, my eye wont hurt. But then I’ll miss class, and I actually did most of this homework. Ok, UGH! I’m up. Now what? I’ll lay back dow-NO, must get up. Umph…..out of bed now….grab towel (insert tired reference to the number 42 here) made it to the shower….shower will wake me up….and maybe make my eye feel better. And I’m out of the shower….dressed…and upstairs. Good thing I bought more chef boyardee, makes a quick and good breakfast. I’m gonna miss the bus….where is Dirk to tell me to move my ass when you need him. Oh well…..beefaroni is good, and I don’t mind the walk. Give me a chance to listen to my mp3 player…haven’t done that in a while. Walking out the door, pluggin the earphones in…..DAMN. My battery is dead….ew, ew, ew, I have another one in my backpack….YES!….DAMNIT!!!!! ……….this one is dead too. Oh well, I’ll stop and get a coke on the way into class…that will make me feel better….and I can put it on my eye……Geez, what could make a mans eye hurt like this. Money in machine….cherry coke out….OH YEAH….kicked out a free sprite too…must be my lucky day….minus the eye. Class sucks, I’m late…it’s ten after nine already…20 minutes late, class really sucks…….and no, third graders will never understand the concepts of semiconductor physics no matter how many times you say that they do Prof. Heish. Eyes drooping….must stay awake….hold eyes open….must stay awa…..ZZZZZZZ……….RING! And that is the bell…..and I’m going to work. Feeling good that it is only two doors down the hall from class. Tired still….take off backpack, turn on stereo….now out to the front room so I can check my email. Nothing new here….slashdot….not much….inquirer….not much here either. Oh well. Going to the backroom, Dan (my boss / second cousin) is in the back. The wire machine is started….talk to him for a while…..trying to ignore the drone of the wire processor. Dan leaves….I return to the comfort of the internet in the front room…..10:30, haven’t accomplished anything. 11:30, return to back room….wire machine is still running, someone else is watching it. I talk to Dave #2 (not because the other Dave is better, I just met Dave #2 second). I realize that there is nothing worth doing at work today, and that I won’t even have to attempt to avoid doing much that requires thought….because there is nothing to do. Sad understanding that I will long for something that requires thought before I leave sets in…..boredom ensues. I call Dirk. “Hey, I’m walking out the front door to pick up a DI you want to meet me at the union for lunch” Dirk Says “I’m on the bus to that Ag E building, let me drop some stuff off there.” Ok that is settled. I go back inside with my newly acquired DI, and I decide to microwave a burrito. Now to many this won’t make sense, but I eat for around 3 dollars or less at McDonalds in the Union, and I was hungry and didn’t want hunger to make me spend more….and my burritos that I keep at work are really small. Noon, Lunch, Found Dirk. Woah….”Hi Jenine” as I almost run right into her. Eat lunch with Dirk, Jenine, and her friend. Bye Jenine, I head up the quad toward the Ag E buliding with Dirk….I love the quad. See Dirks corn plants….entrusting of paper with instuctions on watering them takes place. Comments about losing this piece of paper are made, paper is placed somewhere where I will see it later. Back to the shop. Seth shows up….I talk to Gary, go into the back, talk to Dan….he fixed the wire machine so it runs better. Watch wire machine for a while. Go back to the front of the shop….print out things on Laurens car. Return to back room….return to front room…..nothing left on internet of interest….talk to Gary agian…return to back room……and then back to front room. This repeates for another 2 hours. Go outside with Gary to talk while he smokes. Learn some interesting things about Guitars…which is often the case while talking to Gary. Wow, 5pm *already*….( * denotes internet sarcasam) Walking home with Seth and my co-worker Art, we discuss an idea called “FratMan” for an online comic idea. That is cool. And now I’m home. Jason and Jenine are already here to Grill out….that is cool….Grill is fired up…I do dishes while cooking the potatoes. My house is hot….the AC broke…..!AGIAN! DVD 2 of esca is in the player for the people who missed last week (this is a weekly thing now). Potatoes done….people doing fixings….while I toss meat on the grill. Meat done, potatoes fixed, sit outside for a while with just Lauren, eat my wonderful cheap Shnucks steak, drink a beer. Life is good right now…..thoughts of idle boredom from work drift away. DVD player is now deciding it doesn’t like disc 3 of Escaflowne. Bummer….the decision is made to relocate to Jason and Jenine’s house. They have working AC. So, esca is good…..I still hate Hitomi….if you don’t know what I’m talking about…it isn’t worth asking. People leave aftward, Lauren, Dianne and I stick around and talk to Jason and Jenine for a while…do a little praying for them, that is good stuff. I feel kinda wired during it….wonder if it has something to do with just having watched a very Fate/Tarot/Destiny based TV show. Dianne gives us a ride to my place, talk to her in her van for a while. That is cool. I walk Lauren home on another of our wonderful walks to her house. I like that walk a lot. Stars are out, that is cool. Talk about life for a while at her apartment. Just sit for a while…..the cat doesn’t attack me, that is a plus. I head home….look at stars……my eye hurts…..I can’t believe my eye hurts still……what day is tomorrow? Reflect on earlier events based on eye pain…..tomorrow is Saturday….I’m sure this time. Decide to write blog, as I often do on the walk home, wonder if it is going to suck with my eye hurting. Ben and Adam are at home upstairs….I think I’ll go downstairs and write it… that means I should un-install my current blog updater and replace it with Zempt. I’m thinking too hard…..pain in eye increases due to increased brain activity. I wish my eye didn’t hurt, it would be easier to look at the stars. Home now….watch a little of Old School with Ben and Adam. Head downstairs…..
Typing blog…….

This would be easier if my eye didn’t hurt……

Maybe it won’t hurt tomorrow….
What day is tomorrow?

Going to a family reunion later today, that should be cool. It’s at some lodge or something like that in a state park in southern Indiana, so that could be cool. See you all when I get back.

Have you ever noticed that a large part of our perceptions of things is based what we expect. For example, if you would have gone into X-men 2 expecting to be like the exact embodiment of “God Loves, Man Kills” projected on the screen you would have been disappointed. (For you non-comic book people that story is the X-men that the movie was based on) If I walked into every movie/play/book/song expecting it to be one thing, and it turns out to be another, I am usually upset. But if I walk into these type of things with an open mind it allows me to enjoy that form of entertainment for what it is, and not what I want it to be. An good example of this is the Lord of the Rings movies. If I walked into these movies wishing that they were ‘exactly’ the same as the book I would be pissed. (kinda like the fan-boys on the internet complaining about this book) Instead, for these movies, they have opted to not make each one 10 hours long and remove some of the dialog and a few of the minor scenes….and some of the not so minor ones, but that was directors discretion, and I really enjoyed the movie. All I expected was for the main story to remain intact, which has been the case.
That being said, I must now say that I have been thinking about that for some time….having resolved to no longer expect anything from much of anything in the way of entertainment, and have instead switched to watching other people do this. I have seen other friends of mine grow out of being overly-expectant fanboys, and into people more like me who watch others. There are still several of our friends who do this, but that is besides the point.
Now recently I have been watching a trend in my life….and noticing this especially at church. I have found that a lot of small changes have been taking place over the last year. Looking at these in retrospect make them seem fairly major. The problem with this is that even though they are fairly major, I find myself feel like this was just something that was meant to happen. This ties into the movie thing because I look at people as they go through their walk in life and I just expect the same type of things to happen. I hear myself saying things like “God is working that persons life…..give it time” and “I can’t believe that they don’t get that.” But the reality of that is that I haven’t understood some of these things for very long, and it wasn’t that long ago where I had no idea, and no reassurance of what God was doing in my life. It is hard not to look at someone and see what God is just starting to do in their life and not jump to the conclusion that they should understand things like this is old hat. It bothers me that I can’t see past my own current threshold of understanding and think back to what it was like to be inside my head 3,6, or 12 months ago, and remember what it felt like to be me then, as opposed to me now. I seem to have learned to cut off my expectations for my entertainment, but I need to learn to stop expecting certain things from people in my relationships. Not everyone thinks like I do, and not everyone is where I am in my life.
I think the craziest part is when I sit down and analyze the situation I find that I would have done or said something similar to what upset me at some point back in the day in my own life.
So I will try to enter into relationships and situations within those relationships devoid of expectations, and it is something that I would recommend other people doing as well. When I have successfully done this in the past it has made worlds of difference in those relationships or specific situations.

But I must stop as I am tired and wish to sleep…..so until tomorrow……Thank you, and Goodnight.