Life, Depression, and Everything

So why is it that when it rains it pours? Haven’t I had enough? Isn’t school enough by itself at the end of the semester that I shouldn’t have all these other problems? Why is that a sick family can’t see past themselves to get help? Why is denial such a powerful inhibitor of regular senses? Why do important people in your life seem to die at the end of semesters? Why does a wedding bring out the worst in a family? Why do people think it takes a week to get from southern California to Washington state? Why do mothers say things to tear their children down? Why do abused people abuse their children? Why can’t we let go of the people who are hurting us? Why do Christians excuse their abusive language by saying “they really take everything to heart” or just flat out saying that you are delusional, and denying things ever happened? Why is painfully obvious to outside people that a family is not healthy and in denial, but on the inside everything is susposedly OK, and always will be? Why does a Christian man let his wife run his life and his house, and always make excuses for her instead of getting the help she needs? Why does anyone think that marrige is one person running the others life…isn’t it susposed to be a partnership? Why does God ask us to do really hard stuff, when he could just do it faster and better on his own? Why does God call some people to full time ministry only to give them dying churches with little hope of regrowing it? Why are so many full time pastors medicated for depression….shouldn’t God take care of that so they can do their jobs better? Why is it that sometimes the only way to protect yourself emotionally is to hurt someone else by seperating from them? Why does my brain always seem darker on the inside when it is darker outside (in the winter)? Why is life so high sometimes, and so low others? Why do people die? Why do I feel a need to write all my rambling crap on the internet so other people can read it?

I guess the answer is probably 42.

  1. It seems like a lot of shit has been going down lately. I don’t if it’s the weather or what, but it really sucks.

  2. Ben,

    Boy oh boy I sure loved/hated seeing the raw truth of what you are truly struggling with. I am proud of you for verbalizing it! It is not easy to walk with the different weight that is on your shoulders. If possible, focus on your finals and get those done… and then face the ickiness of lauren’s family. You may have to go to CA alone, but you have tons of family and friends that LOVE you, support you, and are praying for you.

    Keep your head up, bro. I know how HARD it is to lose someone that you love. Losing Kelly really took the wind out of my sails.

    ((((((((((Ben)))))))))))) I pray that the Holy Spirit will rise up and show himself strong and the comforter that He is. Remember the kingdom… HUGS

    Jae

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