BigCat&#8217;s Blog of DOOM

on December 31, 2003

. 1 Comment

Currently I’m waiting to get on my plane back to the Midwest, St. Louis specifically, and while I had a good time I’m glad to be going home. No one killed anyone else, and nothing major blew up on us, so all in all, it was a good trip. It was a little long for Lauren, and we won’t be staying that long at her parents house ever again, but it was still pretty good.

So, some things I did. I went to In-n-Out all but one day, and that was because we ate at an expensive steak place courteous of Laurens grandparents. We also played some board games with Amanda’s friends (Amanda is Laurens younger sister) and this was OK, but I ran out of juice pretty early and there were a lot of giggling girls there, so it wasn’t that great. We watched a bunch of movies. I have to say that the $5.50 DVD bin at walmart is going to be the death of my checking account. I’ve bought in the range of 5 movies for less then $30 including tax, and they are all great flicks like “Stand and Deliver,” “Dark City,” “With Honors,” “Don Juan DeMarco,” and “Titan AE. All of them are great movies, so that is super cool. Lauren got a DVD/VHS player, which means that we need to scrape together some cash and buy a TV, but we’re not too worried about it since we decided to keep the money for the wedding and she is working full time now at PowerWorld. I read a bunch of my church history book this week and I have to say that I find it amazing how the church in a period of about a decade can go from fearing the government like the plague to abusing a good relationship with the emperor to have a person who disagrees with you theologically exiled from Rome. Man, if I could do that today there would be no more stupid arguments of silly things…because they would all be starving on some island in a very cold part of the Atlantic or pacific. How’s that for idealogical natural selection….natural selection of ways of thinking….hmmmm….I could expand this, but I will save that for later.

Probably the coolest thing we did though, is we went to see “The Producers” starring Martin Short and Jason Alexander. It was an amazing show. It reminded me that everything I’ve ever been in or seen locally is largely crap. It reminded me what hard work, and a talented cast and director can accomplish with a big budget. Can you tell that I’m a little annoyed with everything I’ve seen lately in my brothers high schools, and the stuff I did at my high school. I sort got to thinking that I don’t really think that the people in this play were particularly better then me and my family at acting and singing. The dancers were amazing and I couldn’t hold a candle to most of them, but the actors were not wowing me. I have to say that Jason Alexander was just great, and he totally upstaged Martin Short, but big surprise, Short hasn’t acted a single role any differently then any of his other roles in 20 years. Am I the only one that doesn’t find him funny. I hated “Prime Time Glick” most the time, and I can’t stand that stupid dance that everyone thinks is funny when he puts his knees together and sort of walks around like that. Anyway, the rest of the cast was wonderful, like I said, I think I could have played the role of Bailystock about as well as Alexander. I suppose that is what happens when you grow up with a concert pianist and actor as parents who did professional Christian theater for the first 4 years of your life. But the sets were amazing. I think the sets in those kinds of plays are just awesome (yes awesome, …that was for you Rob). All in all I give it an 8.5 out of 10 because of Martin Shorts inability to recover completely from laughing at his own lines, and his general in-ability to act well. I would have given it a 9.5ish just for Jason Alexander’s performance if Short could have kept up through the whole thing. There were some scenes where Short was excellent, but he just couldn’t go the distance. I would have loved to see this with Nathan Lane and Mathew Broderick (sp?) perform this play. The play was an amazing piece of writing from the always funny Mel Brooks, and I can see how it practically swept the Tony’s a while back.

So, here I am in LAX, there is no free wireless here, so I’m going to save this and upload it when I get home. Also, my Father is having his surgery on the 7th, so I might not be home for a while after that so don’t expect me back in Cham-bana any time really quick. Finally, Dirk, you interested in coming down to my house for a few days just to relax since no one will be home for a while and I know your all alone in that house for the last couple weeks. If not, whatever, I’ll probably call you sometime later this weekend or something.

So, thanks for reading my long rant, and Goodnight.

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome^2, maybe not so Awesome in Aneheim VCF

Published

on December 29, 2003

. 8 Comments

There, I think I used up my alloted number of times I can use the word “awesome” in a post about church stuff….so I will attempt to use other words now…mostly for Rob’s sake. Also, let it be known, that I have no spell checker here, so ignore misspelled words untill I have time to edit this with a spell checker.

So tonight after missing the morning service at Saddleback we decided to skip going to Saddleback church all together and go up to the Anehiem Vineyard for church. And I will say that the worship was excellent (the word excellent was used to replace where a default “awesome” would usually go). First they started by calling people to the front of the chruch (not specific people just a general call), and they had a large area in the front of the sanctuary with no seats. I thought people were gonna dance, which happens sometimes for those of you who have never been to a vineyard, but it was just people worshiping in a little less confined area then where the seats were. Then they played some songs that I hardly ever hear at home, and they even played one I had never heard. They totally rocked out. The worship leader had a great voice, probably in my top ten as far as worship leaders I have heard go. I sang almost completely in his range and style, so I loved it. Then the awful part came. The guy who preached, some Nigel guy who isn’t the head pastor, was all over the map. I couldn’t find one solid theme in his whole sermon, and he basically covered topics so broad that he decribed all the major points of Christianity briefly and never tied them together…or at least he didn’t tie them together well. So after his completely incohesive ramblings went on for the better part what seemed to be eternity, a great maricle took place, he said “now before I end a quote from C.S. Lewis” and then it was over. But also I hated that he did a ministry time and basically called everyone in the building up for prayer. He did four categories, nonchristians wanting to commit, fallen christians looking to recommit, solid christians who want thier walk to continue going well, and some other category that basically covered whoever was left. There were so many people up front to get prayer that after the third time they called for more help, I was thinking “wow, maybe I should go up there” but I chickened out, and then I told Lauren what I was thinking. And she said that maybe they prayed using a different model, or she wondered what Dianne would think if a total stranger came up during ministry time at home to pray for people. I told her first, that we use the same five step model that everyone else should be using, or at least my understanding is that John Wimber came up with that and it is what his book is about, then I told her that this is a Vineyard, and no one cares that much about who is praying for who as long as people get prayed for. So she went up and prayed for someone standing there because she is much more brave then I am about that kind of sutff. I have found I’m much better at talking other people into doing things that I don’t want to do, then I am at talking myself into doing those things.

Lastly I was thinking about why the sermon sucked so much and why there weren’t that many people at such a big church when there are only two services on the weekend. I sorta decided that I expeted there to be some superstar pastor there since this was the first Vineyard, but then I remembered that not every pastor at a good church is a superstar preacher, or at least this has been true at most the great churches I have been to (including Saddleback and our own vineyard). Then I also got to thinking that our church is pretty great (not awesome) and that we have a lot of superstar kind of people there. Jim is a great worship leader, Hap, Di, and Ben are totally wicked good (not awesome) speakers as well as ministry leaders, Bob and Pam are excellent with the small team ministries and who can remember names as well as Dave…that should be a requirement for all New-Comer pastors. Then who can forget about one of the nations leading experts on small group ministries Jim, my Dad was really impressed when he realized we had Jim Egli on staff, which says a lot because he spent a fairly large amount of time studying small group ministries during his D-Min work. So besides having a super staff I got to thinking that most Vineyards should be the same. We all have a similar format for the service, we all pray before hand and try to have a spirit led worship, sermons and ministry times, and we all come from the same background. The denominiation is only 20 years old, how much diversity can there really be from one church to another right now. So I was kinda relieved in a way because this shifted my paradigm (sp?) of thinking that a church with a larger base will automatically produce a superior worship service and ministry because a larger installed base for resources. Also I think that Saddleback must put a huge amount of perperation into their services and sermos for them to be that consistantly excellent (not awesome), or Rick is really just that talented at writing sermons…which isn’t very far fetched considering his last book just spent 45 weeks on the best seller list. But I’m interested to hear some peoples thoughts on other Vineyards, especially ones that are big name churches like Cinncinatti and some of the big ones in Texas and the other ones like that. Were you impressed, did you think it was superior to ours in any significant way, was my expectation to get a great sermon at the church that started this great movement unreasonable? I’m interested to hear thoughts…but anyway, I’ll post more tomorrow about In ‘n’ Out and California and how my life is going besides church stuff.

Thank you, and Goodnight.

Home again, home again, fiddle-dee-dee

Published

on December 23, 2003

. 7 Comments

Well, I’m home…..home sucks. I have no friends here, that sux. Mom and Dad like to tell me things about the wedding, and sometimes they annoy me about it. Also, I’m tired of getting dumped on about wedding stuff in general. It isn’t like I don’t want to do things for this wedding. In fact, if someone wanted me to do something right now I would. Heck, I could pick out my own tuxes if that was OK, I could do a lot of stuff. And I know that it wouldn’t be good enough if I did do it, so I don’t know why the same isn’t true. Aren’t I allowed to be not happy with some of the work done by the other party. I don’t have to like everything, and I’m allowed to want a full dinner at my wedding if I want feel like that is important. Also, shouldn’t you give somebody something good at the reception if they drive or fly all that way to come to your party. I’m sorry, I don’t have an excuse to throw a party this big and extravagant very often, so I just figure it should be pretty darned big and cool. That means I want dancing, drinking, eating good food, and having a good time. I hate things being too formal or too stuffy, so we want to have Chicago style pizza at the wedding. This wasn’t my idea, but I thought it was a great idea, so that is what we plan to do. But because of this we can’t find a reception hall…that and I think it is ridiculous to have some people cater dry chicken and bloody roast beef if it is going to cost 11$ at least per person….for that much I would rather rent out a big part of cheddars and give everyone burgers. But I hate the idea of cake and punch receptions, I think that is sorta lame, and a boring way to celebrate something this big. What a party…I mean they have cake and punch after graduations for 8th grade, but when somebody gets married that is a bigger event then 8th grade graduation.

Also, I haven’t been sleeping a lot. I don’t know why, but I wake up and have a hard time sleeping again. I usually fall right back asleep, but I haven’t been able to. Also, my house is cold….Mom has the temp set to like 69 degrees….at my house I have it set to 72 usually and I think that is cold, so I’m freezing here. I’m looking forward to lighter weather and In ‘n’ Out Burger later this week in the OC (Orange County for those of you who aren’t hip with the TV shows these days).

So, let me sum this up. A wedding is a celebration…shouldn’t you have a big party, and isn’t it important that you throw a party you are both happy with. Also, shouldn’t you want to take care of your friends and relatives who came all that way to celebrate with you. Finally, I love In ‘n’ Out, it is the best fast food anywhere….I mean where else can you get really full for under 5 dollars.

Thank you, and Goodnight.

The glorious days after finals

Published

on December 20, 2003

. 0 Comments

I love the days right after finals. It is a bit of a tradition for Dirk and I to linger after all our finals and be completely lazy. These are the days of sloth and gluttony. The days immediately following our last final is when we were most likely to drink ourselves stupid. This was especially true of the days at the end of the year in the spring. I remember more then once we moved out on the last day we could be in the dorm, and we had to turn in our keys and prop doors open so we could get more stuff to our cars after the deadline to be out of the room. We were often moving out this late because anything we had decided to do, whether it be drinking, partying, or just playing video games, we had done in excess into the wee hours of the morning.

These are the laziest days still. Today we have only played Zelda, drank a large quantity of chocolate milk, ate steak, and watched “The Two Towers” extended edition….which we are still watching. Dirk played a few hours of Zelda 1, I played a couple hours of the worst Zelda ever….Zelda 2, and then I switched to Zelda: Majora’s Mask for a couple more hours. I actually took a shower at about 7pm, which is pretty good considering I hadn’t even planned on doing that.

I’m still feeling all that food I ate…especially the chocolate milk. I thought maybe I could get up and get the mail, but that will have to wait until this food settles a little more, and the load can be lightened a bit. Right now I am glued to the couch…thinking the extended edition really really kicks ass…especially for fans of the books. I think the word sloth describes my actions as of right now. I would have used gluttony because I’m thinking right now “Have I waited long enough to have room for a beer in my stomach?” But the sloth won out because the answer to the question is “I don’t want to get off the couch to get a beer.”

Aaron will be here tomorrow to take me home. That is good because I’m almost out of clothes, and I was waiting to go home to do laundry. Also I’ll most likely get some presents for Laurens family while he is here. The only bummer is that I have to cover for some people with the sound at 703 which I didn’t really have time to do, so I need to make time for it now. Hopefully Aaron won’t mind coming with me to help out instead of hanging out at home for the afternoon.

Now this little rant has gone on long enough so I will say,
Thank you, and goodnight.

FINALS COMPLETE

Published

on December 20, 2003

. 4 Comments

So, finals are over. I don’t know how I did, it could go either way. I don’t know if they are going to kick me out of school yet…..like I said, I’m riding the fence. I’m reasonably sure that I am getting an A in my B&TW class, so I can fail my MatSe class and still be maintaining a 2.0 between the classes. For my other seven hours it could go either way. Four hours are coming from my control system class, which I heard has a wicked curve….thats right…..I said wicked. I heard that a B+ is bottom 33 percentile and up…which means that an A is in the fifty percent range. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the bell curve and how grades are done in engineering classes is that you find the average total grade (either based on points or percentages…it doesn’t matter either way) then you figure out what the deviation is between scores is…that is how much the average difference from the mean is. Then you figure that everything below the mean by one standard deviation is a C and two is a D and everything lower then that is an F….then above the mean by one deviation is a B, and everything else up-wards is an A. So now that I have forgotten my point and confused everyone who hasn’t worked on a bell curve before, it means that I compete directly against my classmates for my grade. My only goal is to get close to or above the average.

In my MatSe class I am most likely below two deviations…which means I am failing….but maybe, just maybe, I’ll pull that up w/ the final. It would be nice not to have to repeat a class like this one. As for my two ECE classes I heard that the controls class is super loose so I don’t think they will fail anyone, but my other class is more likely a C or better….maybe a D, but I’m hoping for the C.

But we’ll see how it goes. If I do get kicked out I can petition to get back in….and hopefully seeing as how I’m so close to graduating they will let me ride it out.

Tonight I went with James and finished some Christmas shopping. I bought Dirk “Final Fantasy Tactics Advance” for the Gameboy Advance. This game looks wicked awesome. I’m getting “Fire Emblem” for the GBA SP that Dirk got me for Christmas. Either my brothers will be getting it for me for Christmas, or I’ll pick it up myself before I leave for Cali. I’m reading a book and I’m gonna start playing “Fire Emblem” so hopefully I can actually get some reading done as well as some video gaming. Dirk said he mainly purchased the GBA for me because he wants someone to play “Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles” with, and you have to have GBA’s to play multi-player. I’ve already decided when we play that I want to be the one carrying the bucket. And you better believe dat da BigCat don’t drop the bucket short….unless he’s pissed at you.

Then after I went to circuit city, we went to Culvers…always good eating…not as good as In ‘n’ Out burger, but good none the less. Then on to Kelley and Bob’s Christmas Kegger….good times for all. I had my share of beer…Bob cut me off so that I would have no reason for Lauren to be alarmed about me getting drunk…which she has a tendency to do when she isn’t around and there is any amount of drinking involved. So I am home….reasonably sober, and watching “Don’t be a Menace to South Central while Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.” What a quality piece of work. I love that movie…and other bad movies like it.

So anyway, I’m done for now. I’ll write about Christmas and going to Cali after Christmas later.
So, thank you, and goodnight.

Study break….a.k.a. procrastination

Published

on December 16, 2003

. 0 Comments

Found this while taking a break from studying….it has been a slow day. Hard to study after that test last night. But anyway, the link is interesting to me. Especially the quote:

“Daughters are a major target of abusive women. The anger and resentment that abused women carry in their hearts provide the fuel for directing those feelings at themselves and at their daughters. As women, they are putting themselves at the least risk by targeting their daughters because daughters are the most vulnerable. And as women, it is the most natural outcome of abuse, to be angry at and abuse ourselves for not being able to make others love us enough to treat us well instead of abuse us.”

I should probably stop dwelling on this but I need mental re-enforcements if we are going to confront this over break.
Also, I found these quotes interesting:

“It is not surprising, therefore, that in some cases, the threat of a daughter is even more damning to a woman than her own perceived failures. If a daughter is prettier, smarter, marries better, is treated better, and, God forbid, is happier, and seen as successful, she represents everything an abused and/or abusive mother wants for herself but feels she can never have. This daughter is, of course, envied and often seen as deserving of anger and abuse.”

“Sarcasm and ridicule are seen as a natural part of their relationships. Cutting remarks and cruel put-downs are excused, and crushed self- images and bleeding spirits do not count as punishable crimes. There is no public outcry. It’s just the way life is. Pretend it doesn’t hurt, pretend you don’t feel, pretend you didn’t see or hear it. Pretend you didn’t mean it. Pretend, pretend, pretend.”

Anyway, lots going on in that area. We have a slightly lighter approach to things now. We figure we can break things off a little at a time…sorta define “If you do A, then the result will be B” kind of thing. I don’t expect them to get it because denial is easily one of the most powerful mental traps I’ve seen, but one can hope. Also I have taken a new approach to praying for this. I kinda had this bad idea that God had to tell me he was going to fix something, or I had to think that it could reasonably be fixed by natural means for him to do it faster. So in attempt to be healthier in my prayer life as well as an attempt to fix this problem, I have taken the persistent widow approach. I now pray every day “God heal Laurens family completely and miraculously,” and I am praying this expecting it to happen at some point. And I will be persistent about it, no matter how hopeless it seems. I like that saying of “expect God to show up” don’t hope that he will. It has started to make a difference in my ministry time and I think it will make a difference here eventually. This doesn’t solve the immediate dilemma of helping Lauren become healthier which means more separation from her family, but it will help me knowing that this is all I can do and I’m doing it.

Anyway, back to studying or trying to….my brain is a little fried today.

Now and Then, Here and There

Published

on December 13, 2003

. 2 Comments

I just watched the last DVD of “Now and Then, Here and There” and I really liked the show. I liked the end, because it had the cheesy ending without being completely cliche. I really enjoyed the way it ended in a lot of ways, but there were some things that I thought it was a little lame. There were some people who died in sort of lame ways and there there were some people whole lived and I was like “how did they not die?”

But I really liked the main character Shu, and he is the first main character in an anime that I have actually liked in a long time. I liked the way he had a clear vision for the people around him, and a positive view for the future. His “just stay alive and good things will happen” was sort of lame, but it was refreshing and powerful in a lot of ways to hear someone saying that, because a lot of convictions seem to be out the window with a lot of modern people. This day in age few people stand up for anything, and anime tends to shy away from the traditional hero but this is the first time in a while that a strong hero type is standing up for what he believes and I didn’t think “jeez this is sooooo cliche.”

Simplicity and contrast….this is what I liked about this anime series. I think I might get the box since it is about $45, which is pretty cheap. But we shall see, I have a lot of other stuff to worry about first. Anyway, all in all, I give it about a 4.5 out of 5.

I am only doing this because I’m tired of posting anonymously

Published

on December 12, 2003

. 5 Comments

OK, so today they made it free to get new LJ accounts, so you don’t need an activation code anymore. So, I decided to check out how they check inactive accounts, and I found out if you are actively commenting on other people’s blogs they won’t delete your account. So this will be my only post here, because I am only interested in posting comments to ther peoples blogs.

So, if you want to read my blog use http://www.livejournal.com/~bigcat5 or go to my actual website http://bigcat.chaosnet.org

That is all.

Except I want to try to LJ cut
( some stuff )

A little help here

Published

on December 11, 2003

. 1 Comment

So I was looking for some stuff about leaving people who are hurting you in the Bible. I know that it is proven to be therapeutic to leave someone when they are abusive, and to make sure to cut off contact with that person, so as to avoid further abuse. One thing I did like made me think that it is important to expose denial is Ephesians 5:11 and through the the next part of that section goes on to talk about exposing things to the light.

Also I was reading about false memory syndrome, where a counselor plants a memory that never happened in your head and convinces you that it is real, and that is some scary stuff. I would hate to have a counselor or hypnotist planting memories in my head….that would suck.

Sometimes researching this stuff makes me sick….People are disgusting. The back and forth….the you abused me, your making that up, your in denial, and all that….it is hard to sort out. There are patterns that people fit into that distinguish, at least to some extent, who is lying and who is telling the truth. I just wish there was a definitive way to prove it….psychology is such a guessing game….maybe I should call my cousin….he almost has his clinical psychology PHD completed…maybe he can help. He is one of the best people I know….he really wants to help people, and is openly willing to admit when he was wrong (something I find many psychologist lack) which is really cool.

Enough of this depressing crap…g’night….tomorrow I’m off to a funeral, which promises to be completely wonderful because I get to be a Paul–bearer for the first time ever….(!notice sarcasm is used here!)

Shirtless O’Clock is here

Published

on December 9, 2003

. 0 Comments

It’s shirtless o’clock, do you know where your beer is?

I do, and I don’t have my shirt on.

If you are reading this it is shirtless o’clock somewhere, so you should take off your shirt.

So I don’t have my shirt on, and it feels good. Shirtless o’clock is great, it was even better in the spring when it was warm and it was nice to sit outside and drink beer. We don’t grill and have shirtless o’clock because that has chest hair singeing potential, but we do sit outside on our ratty couch.

And now, shirtless o’clock is over, because I’m cold.

If I were an animal

Published

on December 9, 2003

. 0 Comments

If I were an animal I would be a monkey, because then I could fling poo and not get in trouble for it. And I would have a tail that acted almost like another hand….how cool would that be. I wish I had a tail now…I would be a better solderer if I had a tail….like Jim says, “The worlds best solderer has three hands” and I would!

So if anyone was wondering I was sorta bummed yesterday for a lot of reasons, but a big one was that my good family friend Barb Bennett from Thawville died unexpectedly yesterday. I don’t know from what yet because I haven’t heard the results of the autopsy. My parents don’t want me to go to the funeral (where my brothers and I are susposed to be pual-bearers) because I have lab then and they don’t want me to miss it. But whatever, this will work out somehow.

Anyway, if I wasn’t a monkey I would be a mountain goat…because they climb mountains and have long fur….and look funny. That or a lemur, which is another kind of monkey, but hey, they are funny looking monkeys.

Life, Depression, and Everything

Published

on December 8, 2003

. 2 Comments

So why is it that when it rains it pours? Haven’t I had enough? Isn’t school enough by itself at the end of the semester that I shouldn’t have all these other problems? Why is that a sick family can’t see past themselves to get help? Why is denial such a powerful inhibitor of regular senses? Why do important people in your life seem to die at the end of semesters? Why does a wedding bring out the worst in a family? Why do people think it takes a week to get from southern California to Washington state? Why do mothers say things to tear their children down? Why do abused people abuse their children? Why can’t we let go of the people who are hurting us? Why do Christians excuse their abusive language by saying “they really take everything to heart” or just flat out saying that you are delusional, and denying things ever happened? Why is painfully obvious to outside people that a family is not healthy and in denial, but on the inside everything is susposedly OK, and always will be? Why does a Christian man let his wife run his life and his house, and always make excuses for her instead of getting the help she needs? Why does anyone think that marrige is one person running the others life…isn’t it susposed to be a partnership? Why does God ask us to do really hard stuff, when he could just do it faster and better on his own? Why does God call some people to full time ministry only to give them dying churches with little hope of regrowing it? Why are so many full time pastors medicated for depression….shouldn’t God take care of that so they can do their jobs better? Why is it that sometimes the only way to protect yourself emotionally is to hurt someone else by seperating from them? Why does my brain always seem darker on the inside when it is darker outside (in the winter)? Why is life so high sometimes, and so low others? Why do people die? Why do I feel a need to write all my rambling crap on the internet so other people can read it?

I guess the answer is probably 42.

Amusing things

Published

on December 3, 2003